IVY LEAGUE MUSIC

Against Me!: New Wave

2007-08-15T23:24:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what to make of this album. It's rare. Usually I can just listen and immediately categorize.

"Emo trash!"

"Hipster garbage!"

"Slayer wannabes!"

"Complete and utter crap!"

"Aggravating noise that makes me ashamed to be an American."

For the record, my categories are quite critical.

But the newest disc from Against Me! is confounding. I mean, I guess it's punk. The term itself is so general and vague to begin with, so what the hell. They were on Fat Wreck Chords, the vocals are guttural, and the riffs are driving, loud, and in your face, but all with foot-tappy and head-bobby kind of groove.

Then again, they're from Florida. And not backwater Florida; that might be alright. These guys are from Naples, perhaps the single most wussy place in the entire world besides The Album is called, 'New Wave,' this disc was produced by Butch Vig. All very un-punk.

But yeah. . .it's fun to listen to. But I've been through the whole thing twice, and still don't know where I stand. I think I like it, but if i do, I'm not sure why. . .As I said, I don't know what to make of this album.

Feldheimers? A little help here?

The Best of the Statler Brothers

2007-08-04T02:32:00.000-07:00

We all know the scene in Pulp Fiction where butch sees Marcellus Wallace crossing the street. Bruce Willis' character is singing the song, "Flowers on the wall." It's a great tune, but is by no means the best track on one of the forty or so albums this group have released.

And it has nothing whatsoever to do with weird basement sodomy no matter how gay these guys seem

So I give you eleven of the Statler Brothers' greatest hits. This music I hold dear for a number of reasons:

1) My dad made me listen to it on road trips as a kid.
2) They're the STATLER brothers
3) The vocal harmonies made me want to sing
4) I am not as good a singer as these dudes.

Song's Like Bed of Rose's about a whore. Do You Remember These with its do do doh doh doh Whooo ending is the equivalent of 'LOL3RZ! you were born in the 80's!!!!!1!! if this makes sense' groups on Facebook. Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott with lines like, 'Disney's dead and the screen is filled with sex' doesn't really rhyme, but it doesn't matter

Key changes are tastefully (ab)used and the sweeping choruses of Susan When She Tried The Class of '57 are heightened by the range of voices that would strike fear in the hearts of your average Ivy a capella group.

These guys rock as much as a barbershop quartet possibly can

Jafar's Monthly Music Video Post

2007-06-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

Bat For Lashes - What's a Girl To Do

Donnie Darko anyone?

and what's cooler than chicks who rock?

2007-06-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

Chicks who DJ

Today I got a mixer! But I'm not allowed to play with it until after the bar exam as that is what the prudent bar applicant would do.

It a cool feeling though to as the only other instrument i've ever had is a baby grand piano, and well you just can't pick those up pet them the way you can a mixer.

Feldheim Revival X (Angela Vs. Jafar - Battle of the Sexes)

2007-06-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

So after seeing Joanna Newsom and Bjork on the same stage I've been on a bit of a chick kick recently. Angela (another awesome chick) aptly hawked some more girl power your way, and since this blog is named after a female, I say we throw down in a sort of metaphorical pillow fight.

Since my avatar is Middle Eastern, no one has the right to describe my comments as bigoted, sexist, racist, or any other -ist. I simply follow Sharia law. Angela, being a woman, also finds herself immune. Plus, we're both promoting, so don't get your panties in a bunch (NSFW).

Prefaces aside, I bring to you Electrelane. For those of you unfamiliar, Electrelane is a British female four piece, and their new album is pretty fucking fantastic. Electrelane is like the perfect Disneyland ride when you were a kid. The happy parts are happy, the scary parts are scary, and the drugs you're on enhance the psychedelic moments. Plus, you've just started getting into chicks, and now there's four of them hitting all the notes you want them to hit. All you need is an $8.00 cheeseburger.

Electrelane is currently playing/opening for The Arcade Fire. Since Neon Bible is nothing more than a mediocre album, one wonders who should be opening in the first place. This album has everything Arcade Fire doesn't. Namely DISTORTION, ANGST, and (Somewhat) CREATIVE DRUMMING.

There isn't a bad song on this album. Notables include Saturday & Five.

Well done.

The Sounds: Dying to Say This to You

2007-05-31T22:12:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit mum the last few weeks. In Rumbek, we use a German satellite, Blogger kept loading in German and trying to put Woody in a "fun" camp.

So needless to say, I shyed away.

Upon my triumphant return to Kenya, I realized Jafar had covered 67 albums in one post. I know, I know, it almost seems to much to even fathom. I alas, cannot due to such bandwidth restrictions here that have turned my piracy into short bittorrent porn clips. Sad, really.

But I did come across this CD. I'd been spending my sunday afternoons in Rumbek in the pool with the Norse chicks from another camp. No, seriously. These girls were statuesque and I had dreams about them wearing behorned helmets and flying me to Valhalla. In any case, they had incredible taste in music. Short-Dark-Hair, who had the most incredible jaw line I'd ever seen, would drink beer like a champ, and knew all the words to the entire Evil Empire Album. And she digs In Flames.

So I decided to look into this Swedish/Norwegian/Finlandian thing a little more.

I came across some great metal, but like a black guy at a Monster Magnet show, one stuck out. The Sounds.

Normally a chick lead singer just puts me off the band. Chick rock usually blows. Kittie. The Donnas. Flyleaf. Ashlee Simpson. That's about all I got. Chicks just don't have the range of vocals guys do. I remember back in the last nineties A duo called the Braids covered Bohemian Rhapsody. They were chicks, but they still sang an octave LOWER than Mr. Farenheit.

But this one really surprised me. She's almost gutteral. I hear violence and thrashing and strain in her voice, like I'd never heard form chick rock singer.

Also, not only did it have the most erotic album cover I'd seen since Super Sexy Swinging Sounds:

But it's ambiguously erotic. I love lesbian undertones. And I really like this disc.

What really makes this disc for me is the synthsizers, the Pachelbel rip off, "Night After Night," and the extremely schnozzable lead singer:

So schnozzable.

I'm bumming around Dubai, Turkey and Greece for the next month, so while I will be giving Feldheim a rest, I expect you all to step up for the one year anniversary.

ONE YEAR FELDHEIMERS!

Feldehim Revival IX

2007-05-27T17:26:00.000-07:00

Feldheim readers welcome.

Wade through the clouds of pretentiousness and bathe in that all-encompassing odor known as elitism. Due to the relative inactivity (besides Angela) after our year-end extravaganza, I will be posting, and reviewing not one, nay two, nicht three, but four (motherfucking) albums. The theme of the reviews will be hyphens-and I will try to incorrectly and in-adequately use hyphens pervasively--

I will also review these albums based on degrees of awesomeness (starting with most awesome-). Always - remember, we Feldheimers-like to rank things that shouldn't be ranked.

They will,- as always, be completely lacking in humility and timorousness.

Panda Bear – Person Pitch

Panda Bear (aka Portugese Welcome Monster aka hey, he's that fucking guy from Animal Collective, I had no idea ----- aka Noah Lennox) has released a masterpiece while his bandmate and bandmate's wife (Avey & Kria) have been listening to their shit backwards. Well, this shit plays forwards, and it is just oozing with good-ness. Using a pair of 404's and a multitude of other instruments, Panda Bear focuses on creating a unique sonic environment for the listener to drown himself in. Think Beach Boys but better, and newer. The oh-so sweet melodies remind you of what P-B brings to the A-C, but this deserves it-s own attention and it's own respect. A truly im-pressive work, a truly impressive animal.

Andrew "Birdman" Bird – Armchair Apocrypha

The Bird-man hit us with his mysterious production of eggs last time around and I was very anxious to see what shit would land my way this time around. For those of you unfamiliar with Andrew-Bird, go back and read the Feld--heim or just go download/buy the masterpiece itself.

Andrew Bird is one of the premier musical talents of our generation. The man can sing, whistle- play violin, guitar, and he is a master with the loop pedals. See him live, it is humbling. Armchair is another strong move forward in this former nut zippers career. At the same time, it is not nearly as powerful and a-m-a-z-i-n-g as Mysterious. The Birdman finds himself dabbling in the genre of "Adult Contemporary" – but fuck genre's, he still brings the good-ness, and you should give it a listen. Truly wonderful stuff here.

Note: Project Moonshine is currently in post production for their Andrew Bird project.

A Sunny Day In Glasgow – Scribble Mural Comic Journal

I'm always hesitant with that shoegaze sound. Of course we have My Bloody Valentine, and Sonic Youth, but I just feel like most of the sho-egazers out there take up space for the sole purpose of taking up space. Not ASDIG.

This sib-ling group is actually from Phil-a-delphia, and this album is actually really fucking good.

Also, 5:15 Train is one of the best songs released this year. SHOEGAZERS OF THE WORLD REJOICE!!

Small Sails – Similar Anniversaries

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Smiling? Small Sails wants you to smile. This-one goes out to all the meth-heads in Port-land (the land of Small Sails). Smile my friends. Listen to the electronic pop goodness and smile. So many vocals, so few words. Such great sounds, fuck the great heights. Small-Sails should probably be higher up on this list, but lists are arbitary and irrelevant, and comments like these are ironic - so in the end just listen to what you want and I can go to hell.-
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Menomena - Friend and Foe

Portland continues its presence on my arbitrary list. So many great bands are currently making music in Portland that I would almost consider moving there just to be able to say "Yeah-, I used to hang out with _______ back in the day, they're cool guys, real down to earth and shit, yeah, oh, yeah, he plays a tele, but he switched up the pickups....yeah....I mean he's not a tone freak or anything, but he knows his shit." Totally awesome dudes with a penchant for flavor - Menomena is one of the funnest bands around. This being said, their previous album is better and the less vocals the better.

More organ though---.

Until next time.......
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Jafar's Monthly Music Video Post

2007-05-27T17:19:00.001-07:00

Joy Division - Atmosphere

Nightmare of You.

2007-04-26T02:46:00.000-07:00

I keep posting albums that I say, "this isn't really my thing," or "I know this isn't really my style." Then why do I keep listening to it?

Perhaps my style is changing.

Cause I like Nightmare of You.

It's poetic; It's so happy it's absurd.

But that it's another ex-Glassjaw member rationalizes my appreciation for this bubble gum.

Songs like Thumbelina with decidedly strum-able licks and blatantly bi-sexual lyrics that don't rhyme make me happy. Who doesn't like lesbians (NSFW)?

Ok. Besides these guys, that is.

See, I think the Killers are a bunch of twats. Only slightly less twatty than Hellogoodbye. Franz Ferdinand has written one good song. Those who attended the BRMC show in 2004 know that The Rapture blow more than a bukkake star. So the whole booty-shaking rock thing never shook my booty. Hell, I never thought I had a booty to shake. But My Name is Trouble has that same flavour. That's right, flavour. I'm international. I spell things with a 'u' now. It hints at Enjoy the Silence, but with a little less, uh, you know, flair. It's got a beat, a great guitar melody, and decidedly wussy lyrics. It only slightly redeems itself with a head bobbing bridge.

Through it all, it's fantastic.

In Dear Scene, I Wish I Were Deaf, there's the line:

Start a band or throw a brick/You lazy hipsters make me sick

Isn't that enough?

I think even Toonces will like this one. Jafar will know seventeen bands with one word names who do the same style of music. Rittah will hit we with my BC Rich for listening to this. Screech will listen to anything I post. Blossom is too busy growing a beard, daydreaming about Edie Vedder's adams apple and prtesting something. Woody will not even read this, but will get stoned enough to lose his couch. Again. And Biff is gonna put a on a Family guy T-shirt and prance through field of daisies listening to this on his iPod Mini. "Everyone knows they're for girls!"

Jafar's Monthly Music Video Post

2007-04-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Let the Feldheim Revival begin.

Bjork - Hunter

More posts to come....

Lover, The Lord Has Left Us . . .

2007-04-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

It's been months.

But since my last post I've been in four countries, ran a 100-room hotel in a developing nation, and banged your sister.

What's your excuse Feldheim?

Given my remote dealie, I am so not hip to the scene. But I heard this album and thought it was. . .different.

But then again, I saw a picture of these dudes. They wear masks.

We all know how I feel about masks when it comes to music.

Lover, The Lord Has Left Us . . . is the sophomore disc from The Sound of Animals Fighting. I had heard it was a side project of a bunch of emo wussies and that it was progressive. Did that deter me? No. But the band is named after roars and the sound shredding of flesh. And they frickin wear mask! I thought I'd stumbled upon the ultimate metal, sort of like an Earth Crisis/Lamb of God/ABBA combination.

But no. I shoulda known. This:

is just not as bad ass as this:

Seriously. The dude playing the warlock eats puts animal flesh in fire and eats it. Zing!

BUt not much could really prepare me for TSoAF. It's some weird, abstract Punjabi MC meets Aphex Twin, featuring the Beta Band, remixed by Fourtet. And produced by Architecture in Helsinki. You know, just the type of shit Woody and Jafar would listen to while smoking herb or making million dollar production deals.

So it's weird alright. But I'm only posting it for two reasons. One: in a press photo it looks like one dude is wearing a Pretty Hate Machine shirt.

And two: because of track 13, The Heretic. It's the Postal Service on valium with a hint of twinkly Reznor piano, a dirty Murder By Death beat, plus a hefty does of Van Halen 'Jump' synth thrown in for good measure.

I know it's not my style, but I think it's the song that that Coldplay douche wishes he had the balls to write.

So lemme know what you think.

Feldheim is back, baby.

Bog Saget Bitch, You Better Aks Someone

2007-01-21T01:50:00.000-08:00

DJ Shadow - The Private Press

2007-01-18T09:01:00.000-08:00

Newly up on the box. I can't think of a better way to start of 2007 than with The Private Press, quite possibly one of the greatest albums of 2002. I don't really know why I held out on getting this one for so long. When it first came out my brother insisted that i wasn't ready for it and now finally that i've made a point of getting to it i'm finding it to embody everything i want out of a new album right now. It's challenging, inspiring, energizing and sophisticated. I recognize that we are all in different places and therefore the same won't hold true of all of you. But since you are the listening elite I know you will appreciate it. Enjoy!

Jafar's Monthly Video Post

2007-01-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

Smog/Bill/William Callahan/Mr. Joanna Newsom - Rock Bottom Riser

Album Covers Gone Wrong

2007-01-08T04:22:00.000-08:00

New year, new topics!

Not really. Album artwork again, this time the efforts of a b3ta photoshop challenge, we find atrocities made from some famous album covers.

While I may not know the original artist of the example, there's somehting poignant about seeing out president splattered with baby batter. It's symbolism or something.

That or it's just dirty and wrong. Cause we all know that's truly the reason the internet exists.

There's like 50 pages so be prepared not to work this morning.

Feldheim End of the Year Top 10s

2006-12-31T21:59:00.000-08:00

Please find for your enjoyment:

The Top 10 Most Unremarkable Albums of 2006 (by Angela)
The Top 10 Most Remarkable Albums of 2006 (by Jafar)
The Top 10 Established Albums That are Amusing to Criticize (by Ritter)
The Top 10 Reasons The Feldheim is Superior to Pitchfork
The Top 10 Last Songs On Albums If That Song Is An Even Numbered Track of 2006 (by Blossom)
The Top 10 Albums of 2006 according to one of the Top 10 Jews of all time (by Woody)
The Top 10 Albums for Producing White Noise (by Toonces)

A Moment of Feldheim Reflection (by Toonces)

Top 10 Albums For Providing White Noise

2006-12-30T23:48:00.000-08:00

I'm certain that I'm not the only aviator who is emotionally dependent on her I-pod, or for that matter music. Looking back on 2006 I also can't help but think back to 2005, and the fall of 2004 all of which had a tremendous influence on my music needs. Ever since i started law school I've been drawn to and sought out music compatible with the fact that all I do is study in the library. The silence is deafening, the detachment from music is incredibly stressful and unfortunately law isn't the kind of think I've been able to master while multitasking. The end result: several albums that are not only extraordinary musical feats, but also keep my mind focused and impervious to distraction. To all my fellow graduate and professional students, this list is dedicated to you.

10. Run Lola Run -- The Soundtrack

Probably what first comes to mind is that image from the opening credits where the soccer ball is punted into the air as the main title theme begins. What's cool about this soundtrack is that is comes back to a reprise of the main title theme. The albums a little hypnotic but also gets my adrenaline pumping.

9. David Axlerod - The Edge

Thank you Ritter for posting this to the box. Low Rawls You make Me So Very Happy is definitely in contention for greatest song ever.

8. RJD2 - Since We Last Spoke

A fantastic follow up to Deadringer. RJD2 is one of my favorite producers. I had the privilege of meeting him last year when he was performing with Blue Print as Soul Position. I think some people had a hard time with this album because Deadringer was so good and this albums deviates from Deadringer and is a bit more experimental. I say keep an open mind and give it another listen as I think you will like what you hear.

7. The Avalanches - Since I Left You

This is my favorite album of all time and has been for several years now. For those of you who don't know, The Avalanches are a totally awesome hip-hop group native to Australia. Since I left You is crafted almost entirely out of samples mixed together by the incredibly talented DJ Dexter. Perhaps the most recognizable track is Frontier Psychiatrist that found its way into many a European club and the soundtrack to some MTV shows. What's amazing about this album is that I've listened to it regularly for about 5 years now and ever time I listen to it i discover a new break beat that I never noticed before.

6. Pink Floyd - The Wall

Every time I mention to one of my fellow students that I really like listening to The Wall when I study they don't really understand why. Maybe it is because it is one of those established albums that is amusing to criticize. I put this album on my I-pod on a whim while studying for exams second semester of my 1L year just because I hadn't listened to it in a while. It's made an appearance and pretty much only makes an appearance every final exam since.

5. DJ- Baby Anne - Dark Side of the Boom

I posted some musings about DJ Baby Anne a while back. She's my favorite female DJ. Pretty Heavy on the beats, but not too heavy on the lyrics -- Perfect!

4. U.N.K.L.E. - Psyence Fiction

U.N.K.L.E is for the most part DJ James Lavelle (who I will discuss later) and DJ Shadow. This album has got some cool collaborators including Thom York and Mike D. It's a little hip hop, a little house, a little rock and a great barrier between me and the rest of a world. Interesting music fact: while surfing the web i discovered that David Axelrod who also graces this list remixed a track of this album titled Rabbit in Your Headlights, the track featuring Thom York. While almost a decade old, I have a feeling this album will be my next contribution to the box as I think you will all like this album but for different reasons and I'm curious to hear about it.

3. Globalunderground 23 - James Lavelle

James Lavelle is probably best described as a progressive house DJ. His mixes are pretty eclectic with sounds ranging from hip-hop to electronic, alternative rock and world. Amazing!

2. Back To Mine - Nick Warren

Back to Mine features famous DJ throwing together some fo their favorite tracks that generally wouldn't make their way into their live sets. So while you could dance to a couple of the other albums on this list this mix isn't really designed for that. It's down tempo and soothing.

1. Global Undergound #24 Nick Warren

Nick Warren graces my top 10 twice probably because his mixes, while trance, are more complicated and funkier than what usually comes to mind when we think of trance. I discovered this album back in college when amazon suggested that because I liked the James Lavelle mix at #3 I might also like Nick Warren. This mix was recorded in Reykjavik (one of the greatest cities in the world) which makes it even better. Track 4 samples a bit of dialogue from the film Snatch and also has this hypnotic melody that gives me chills.

R.I.P., James Brown (1933-2006)

2006-12-26T07:50:00.000-08:00

The Top 10 Albums of 2006 according to one of the Top 10 Jews of all time

2006-12-20T20:26:00.000-08:00

"There's no preface to this, let's get down to business"
-Feldheim, spoken in a thick Long Island accent to an unsuspecting victim

1. Joanna Newsom - Ys
Quite simply the most beautiful album of the year. Joanna has followed up her underrated debut with a record that is much more refined - it has five songs. Van Dyke Parks' string arrangements are just gorgeous. The strides that she has taken since her underrated first release Milk Eyed Mender are staggering. Plus you need to be at least a little elite can when you release 5 songs and call it an LP.

2. Destroyer - Rubies
After seeing Destroyer open for the New Pornographers (of which he is a sometime member) I became obsessed. Snatching up every recording I could find. I consider him the best songwriter of our generation. Rubies is probably the most accessible Destroyer album, but it doesn't lack the depth of his other records. It's still brilliant.

3. Sunset Rubdown - Shut Up I'm Dreaming
See my original review of this for the details -- this album just rocks.

4. Califone - Roots and Crowns
Grungy, grimy, bluesy, jazzy folk rock tinged with electronic blips and loops. The songcraftsmanship (not sure if that's a word) and production on this album is are absolutely incredible.

5. Peter, Bjorn and John - Writer's Block
Pure pop bliss. These guys take influences from everyone from the Velvet Underground to the Flaming Lips to Elvis Costello and the Beach Boys.

6. Liars - Drums Not Dead
A fantastic experimentation in sound. Liars sound like a darker, less tribal sounding, minimalist Animal Collective. This would be a great album if you were trapped in a moist dark cave filled with banshees (e.g. Feldheim). Its alienating and entrancing at the same time. I keep thinking it would make a great soundtrack for Eyes Wide Shut.

7. Grizzly Bear - Yellow House
Can you feel the kniii...iiiii.iiiiiife. Can you feel the kniii...iiiii.iiiiiife.

8. Danielson - Ships
If any pop album can be considered an epic -- this is it. Fantastically weird vocal stylings and melodies. It's one of the few really ambitious records that doesn't fall flat on its face..

9. Swan Lake - Beast Moans
An indie supergroup consisting of three of my favorite musicians on the scene today (Dan Bejar of Destroyer, Carey Mercer of Frog Eyes and Spencer Krug of Sunset Rubdown/Wolf Parade). The only reason this did not become the greatest record of all time is due to a lack of cohesiveness -- they can't quite mesh their massive talents together to form the uber-band Swan Lake could've been. The Bejar songs are the real highlights of the album -- proving once again Destroyer is king.

10. Bob Dylan - Modern Times
The man cannot be stopped. The follow-up to 1999's Love and Theft is just as good. Have you guys ever seen him live? There's usually a point in the show where he just glares at the crowd in complete silence. I'm pretty sure its not on purpose, and he's just dead. But he's either God or that cheerleader from Heroes -- most likely God. I have no idea what this has to do with the list or the album, but I don't feel like writing anymore.

After all, I'm a lazy Jew.

Top Tens aside...

2006-12-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

...the end of the year is also a time for self reflection.

With that in mind it's seems appropriate to call your attention to this

Back when we were only 7 aviators, one the leader of a terrorist organization...

Back when all of us lived on the same continent

Back when I could actually articulate a reason why I wanted to be a lawyer

Before some of us not naming any names became social loafers...

When we could only speculate about what the future would hold for Feldheim

so now in addition to my originally planned top ten list I'm going to create a list of top 10 songs from 1986 that I will sample when I am earning my living as a word class DJ and not as an attorney. All of this after Finals of course....

As far as making this bigger and better in the year 2007, I think it's about time we got ourselves an intern.

Top 10 last songs on albums if that song is an even numbered track of 2006

2006-12-18T16:11:00.000-08:00

1. We’re no Here, track 10 from Mogwai’s Mr. Beast. Not only does this song strike home to every Jew out there for its epic “Walk Across the Desert with the Weight of a Thousand Generations” vibe, but also because I saw it on mushrooms, at Coachella, in the desert, in the summer, and proceeded to get a second degree sunburn from the heat off their tube amps and pinpoint pupilling lightshow. Everything just screams, “IT’S FUCKING REAL, REAL HOT OUT HERE GUS.” This song kept pushing for renaming my list to “Top ten 2006 songs that you want to listen to while driving to kick someone’s ass who really fucking deserves it, or maybe just driving to face the end of the world.”

2. Colorado – yet another last song track 10, this one from Grizzly Bear’s 2006 album Yellow House. I got into this song at the perfect time while commuting up over Mt. Rose Highway during the first Sierra snowstorms of the fall. I was fortunate enough to realize a moment where the highway peaked at 8900 feet, this song peaked at a whimsical climax, and I climaxed at all of these peaks—and for the fact that snow was falling and ski season was approaching.

3. Or – doomsdayish, hopeful, and dark, this album encore is track 12 on Sonic Youth’s Rather Ripped from that blessed summer of 2006. This song represents the kind of evolution that I wished all twenty year old bands would make. It’s too bad that that twenty year old mark hit during the 1980’s for Neil Young, the Rolling Stones, and Bob Dylan--because they mostly made embarrassingly horrible shit at that time.

4. Album title worthy Spirit, track 10 from Apse’s October 2006 LP debut Spirit--which will get its own record review soon anyway. I’m trying to review only Apse albums if you haven’t noticed. But with regards to this fantabulous track, again it almost made me change my Christmas list to “Top ten 2006 songs that you want to listen to while driving to kick someone’s ass who really fucking deserves it, or maybe just driving to face the end of the world.”

5. Tides (piano) – the contemplative album ending track 12 of the Clog’s Lantern. Now this is the kind of contemplative that could either be considered stalkerishly eerie or paraplegically introspective. Either requires a window and some precipitating weather.

6. No Such Thing as Hearts—a 2006 track 10 good old fashioned smooth landing of Victory at Sea’s All Your things are Gone. Her voice is like Chan Marshall meets Tom Waits, which could be weird, and it is. But the only real side-effect is it just makes your mouth tastes like cigarettes.

7. Mizu Asobi – this pop wonder cocaine epic of Nipon comes clean at the even numbered end of Asobi Seksu’s Citrus. This song is filled with hope, hope of rehab, end of 80’s movies hope. A kind of hope that can only come across by a band with an 85 pound bubbly Japanese girl fronting it. Deerhoof eat your off tempo jerky-ass heart out.

8. El Ciervo Vulnerado – the album decapitating track 8 off of The Mars Volta’s Amputechture. Though this LP screamed “WE SHOULD REALLY TRY SOMETHING NEW GUYS, BUT MAYBE NEXT TIME,” this last track is what I love from TMV. That creepy Mexican feeling that maybe somebody’s drugged and sodomized you in the last 24 hours, but there’s really no way to be sure.

9. Broken Arrow – an ender at track 10, this one is smooth, almost too smooth. Okay I’m reaching on this last one which is off of the Album Leaf’s Into the Blue Again. It’s amazing how many fucking bands fill their albums to the odd-numbered end. Motherfuckers. Basically, I wouldn’t fight you for this one if I had too.

10. America the Beautiful – Neil Young’s CD ending anthemous track 10 from his punch to W’s gut album Living with War. Nothing that special about this track besides breaking a record for the most gospel singers fitted into a recording studio ever.

...Fuck that took a long time. But goddamn it's worth it.

Top 10 Reasons Why The Feldheim is Superior To Pitchfork

2006-12-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

We here at the Feldheim represent elitism, we also represent common sense. For your Winter amusement, here it is:

10.) Our website isn't ugly
9.) We don't have banners (read: we haven't sold our musical souls to Corporate
America......yet)
8.) We all went to (and graduated from) Ivy League schools
7.) We are not pretentious, we are elitists
6.) We hate American Apparel
5.) If both of our staffs were to engage in an all out brawl Angela alone could take
out 6 or 7 of them hipsters (combined weight 330). Ritter would just stare at
another 7 or 8 until they folded into themselves. Toonces would finish off
all the nonviolent ones in negotiations
4.) We don't get free albums in the mail, we usually have to illegally download them
3.) We have better senses of humor, and no one checks our work (proofreading is for normies)
2.) Fuck Justin Timberlake, we all know who's really bringing sexy back
1.) We are named after someones snatch. Pitchfork is named after an "agricultural
enhancer/weak ass weapon"

Also.....Notable Mention at 11.)...

11.) Not one of us lives in Williamsburg

Top Ten Ways to Start an Argument

2006-12-18T08:38:00.000-08:00

Top-Ten Established Albums that are Amusing to Criticize

People take music way too seriously.

[Momentary pause to permeate the obvious irony of the trying-too-hard-to-be-witty opening statement from this C-Grade music blog-writer]

I am not speaking so much about the role of music in our society, in as much as how emotionally attached people get to their music. The prime example is looking confusedly at the car stereo while your friend frantically scans for “the good part” of the CD of his new favorite band that “you would totally like.” Revel in the awkwardness! Why should your friend be so invested in an album to the point where your douchebag non-chalance could crush his spirit? His mother didn’t hold him enough as a child? His father held him too much? Who cares? Whatever the reason, it can occasionally be amusing to voice criticism of music for the sake of comedic controversy. Here are the top-ten established albums that are the most fun to degrade and thus start an argument:

Note: The credence to be “established” was that it had to be one of Rolling Stones’ Greatest 500 Albums of All Time as it is THE definitive music list from THE most credible music publication on the planet. I fought back the urge to select the blatant warts on the RS list (George Michael, Hole, No Doubt, etc.) or the horribly overrated ones (Devo, The Strokes, The brilliant live recording of Bob Dylan taking a shit, etc.) and chose the somewhat “credible” albums.

Number 10: "Nevermind" – Nirvana

I purposely chose this album as my ‘number 10’ album because “Nevermind” always seems to earn the gratuitous ten-spot on many older music critics’ top-ten-albums-of-all-time list. It’s as if “Nevermind” is the token album that music critics use to prove that they are not completely biased toward the 1960’s and 70’s, and are still “up-to-date” with the new generation (biting their lip because their favorite album by The Who gets pushed out). One could call it musical affirmative action to not discriminate against Generation X.

Grunge music was only a fad-trend that was created as a backlash to the over-stylized 80’s glam-rock era - which in itself was a backlash to the early 80’s new-wave. So, three guys who commercialized suicidal sentimentality (much to the malaise of the surgeon general and concerned parents worldwide) become idolized as ‘brave musical pioneers’ with Kurt Cobain as the voice of America. It’s funny, because Harvard just released some key findings from their genome-decoding project. As it turns out, 98% of all white people share the “Nirvana gene” which allows them to play the bass line for “Come As You Are” even though they may not know anything about the mechanics of a guitar.

Number 9: “Highway 61 Revisited” – Bob Dylan

This album is just plain boring. Especially for an album that marked Dylan’s radical departure from folk to rock, this album is like a prelude to a qualude (potential band name… please don’t steal it).

The lyrics are spectacular and the songwriting is great. However, that sounds like the same two-dimensional praises that people used to give Volvo in the 80’s. “Well, their cars are super-safe and the price range is relatively affordable. But, they have no horsepower and they are designed like hideous Lego cars.” You don’t see black people willingly driving Volvos, nor do you see them willingly listening to Dylan. (No, Jimi Hendrix doesn’t count)

When do you listen to this album? There is not enough bass for it to be a rocking road-trip album, it’s too white to play at a party, and it’s way too funny trying to have sex when drowning in Dylan’s whiney drawl: “How does it feel?” The best time to listen to this album is when it is blasting from a jukebox in a dive bar in Amarillo, TX (or someother rustic hole), or if you are sitting around and smoking joints and drinking imported beers with your English-major friends while they harangue you about the brilliance of his imagery. When in that situation, it's best just to sit there looking bored and then telling your friends, "Hey guys, can we put on that Dylan song where Everybody Must Get Stoned! That's far and away his best song ever! I don't care what any of you Wesleyan kids say."

Number 8: “Master of Puppets” - Metallica

Metallica is the Ronald Reagan of music... see if you can follow: Where as metal music (screwed up conservative ideals) was previously isolated to random factions of the confused and unsupervised, Metallica rose to prominence and brought their music into the mainstream. To maintain their title as "God-annointed saviors of the free rocking world" - they sought out to be the biggest, the loudest, and most obnoxious band that had ever existed. Nevertheless, it completely divided the musical world: On one side you had the middle-American idiots who thought that being angry and pre-emptive fighting were cool (The Republican core), along with the musical technical geeks that thought the solos were genius (rich, white capitalists who find the brilliance in trickle-down economics). And on the other side you had the people that thought the music was too loud and lacked direction (Democratic pussies). But you were on one side or the other, and the Iranians(illegal music downloaders [thank you Lars]) didn't stand a chance.

Tough analogy. But at its core, Master of Puppets is the album that your older brother listened to, got really riled up, and would hold you down and give you "froggers" in the arm and "dead legs" to the thigh. It was made in the mid-80's when Generation X (the most worthless generation ever) was in prime teenage rebellion mode - thus going to waste. Metallica also inadvertantly sparked the worst fashion trend of all time: a black Metallica t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up (to show off a tattoo of a flaming skull or a cobra or some other sexually frustrated graphical connotation), tucked into a pair of tight fitting, ripped Jordache jeans (sans belt), basketball sneakers, and a I-can-wear-my-hair-however-the-fuck-I-want pony-tail.

Just like Californian comrade Ronald Reagan... I am not saying that Master of Puppets is not technically-impressive and a sign of the times, I am just saying that some rich white assholes profited from blue-collar ignorance while pissing a lot of other people off. Be very careful when you criticize this album, you'll most likely get a fist in the face and a Bud (heavy) poured over your head.

Number 7: “A Rush of Blood to the Head” - Coldplay

Making fun of a Coldplay album with you music snobs is like explaining how Derek Jeter sucks to a group of Red Sox fans. It’s a safe call, it’s not necessarily anything original, but still everyone gets enjoyment out of it.

Coldplay is the poor-man’s Police. Both bands released solid albums that had impressive songwriting; tight production; inane, noxiously repetitive lyrics; and a completely unique sound that was intended to inspire suburbanites. But Sting was actually a genius who experimented with song structure and time-signature, while Chris Martin named his kid Apple. The problem is that it is physically impossible to enjoy Coldplay unless you are spooning with some girl that smells like the Gap:
Her: (mellow singing along while playing with your hair) Open up your Eyeees, Open up your Eyeees. You know that my big-sister in my sorority got me tickets to go see Coldplay, but OMG I couldn’t go because I had my COMM exam the next day. LOL!
Me: (seriously) Oh that’s awful!
Her: I know, I really wanted to go!
Me: (confused) Well, no… I meant that’s awful that your big-sister would ACTUALLY get you tickets to go see this shit-show.
Her: What? No, I like Coldplay! Wait, you don’t like Coldplay? (self-consciously now) Why, what’s not to like about Coldplay? They're just like Radiohead, except not as weird, and you like Radiohead. Didn't you put "Yellow" on a mix-CD you gave me once? I mean, the music is so sweet.
Me: That’s only because I’m currently inside of you. Watch what happens when I pull out. (do so)
Her: Oh my God! Oh my GOD! Has he really been singing the exact same phrase for the past two minutes? Can these chord changes be any more obvious? Am I supposed to feel inspired by this slow-tempo, morose chorded, neo-British-yacht-rock? Wait, his kid’s name is Apple Martin? This is terrible. Quick, get back in, get back in! (do so) Ah… (mellow singing again) Lights go out and I can’t be seen…

Number 6: “What’s Going On” - Marvin Gaye

The most amusing reason to rag What’s Going On is because no one really knows this album. People will still defend it staunchly spouting some rhetoric along the lines of: “What man? How can you not like Marvin Gaye? He had so much soul… and like people had a lot of sex to his music and shit. He spread strong social messages about our society and uh… didn’t his father kill him and shit? I don’t know man, you’re probably a racist.” The easy response then is, “Oh OK, name three songs on this album.”

The main issue with What’s Going On is that its baby-making music (BMM) and BMM goes out of style quicker than a pair of Air Jordan sneakers. And once BMM goes out of style it stays out. Otherwise we’d still be “hooking up” while having Boyz 2 Men getting on bended knee. The BMM that you first loved will probably stay with you for the rest of your life. Grand parents still slow dance to Stardust, our parents to Marvin Gaye, worthless Generation-X to Luther Vandross, Richard Marx or some other trash, and we will be slow-dancing to R. Kelly for the rest of our lives.

As a side note and to be gross for a second, What’s Going On is one of the best soundtracks for taking a dump. Try it some time… you’ll see.

Secondary side note, Marvin Gaye singing the national anthem is one of the coolest things ever.

Number 5: “Legend” - Bob Marley

Legend is so much fun to tool on because it's probably the most universally appealing CD ever made. If you put on this album at a United Nations meeting no one will ask you to turn it off (except for maybe Hugo Chavez who has to disagree with pretty much everything).

Don't you hate it when you ask a girl what kind of music she likes and she says, "Oh wow, I don't know... I'm really diverse and I suppose I really like every kind of music. Except for rap LOL!" I mean, she has Legend in the CD book in her Honda Accord (nonetheless an actual store-bought version and not a burnt copy). Wow! You really are so diverse... and worldly! You really do like EVERYTHING! Let's go eat some California rolls and drink some Heineken you jet-setter!

I would say it's almost as bad as the 17-year old "hippie" kid from suburban Pennsylvania who has kind-of-long hair and is wearing sandals (when it's god-damn freezing outside) and a surfer t-shirt on (he has never been) and all he wants to do is be peaceful and smoke some "herb" and listen to Legend and just be "jammin'." Except he is working in the deli and I am home on holiday break and he is taking god-damn forever slicing me my Boar's Head turkey breast and so I start to get antsy and he is just taking his glossy-eyed time while he is whistling the melody to "Buffalo Soldier" and my sister laughs because she reminds me of my Phish-listening days and so I give her a real hard frogger in the arm and she gets pissy, and the dude almost just dropped the turkey... wait maybe I should get some Hot Fries while I'm here... I haven't had them in forever and the cartoon guy on the bag is so funny... Oh come on! Keanu back there isn't even wearing gloves!

Here is a great idea if you are a studio executive. Let's take this amazing, inter-racial Jamaican superstar whose music transcended boundaries, broke stereotypes, and popularized an entire genre of music and let's make a greatest hits album of his whitest, most-American, least-offensive hits. I wasn't being sarcastic… it really is a great idea.

My beef with Legend is that the music on this album is the only Marley that 99% of Americans know. It is one of the best selling Greatest Hits albums of all time and is not wholly representative of his music. Who cares you ask? Well it pisses my crap off when I am going through the aforementioned girl's CD book and see this disk (as her token worldliness) in between Tom Petty's Greatest Hits and Steve Miller Band's Greatest Hits. RASTAFARI!

Number 4: “The Wall” - Pink Floyd

The Wall is actually one of the easiest albums to dislike.

Pink Floyd was arguably the most pompous, self-indulgent band of all time... and this album was their magnum opus. The problem is that Pink Floyd, which was originally an artsy, psychadelic band with a loyal cult following, catapulted to super-stardom with the massive success of Dark Side of the Moon. Every single Pink Floyd album was a "concept album" and since the majority of rock music fans are stupid (yeah I said it), they had to keep dumbing down the philosophy to reach more fans. By the time they got to The Wall, their rock opera, they became so dumbed down that they might as well have been dangling a colorful ball of yarn to appeal to their adoring public.

A wall is probably the most overused metaphor of all time (whether it be emotional barricades, exercise fatigue, divisions of capitalist/communist society, etc) and especially during the volatile Cold War years, the Floyd exploited that shit like a celebrity sex tape. It is a mediocre album with lame songwriting (with very few exceptions) and sophomoric lyrics (But it was only fantasy/The wall was too high/ As you can see/No matter how he tried/He could not break free). The concerts were unintentionally hysterical as the most over-the-top musical bastardization since Andrew Lloyd Webber's. Seriously, giant styrofoam bricks, inflatable "characters," and Roger Waters farting his ego all over the stage is a bit much. Yet the album art (a freaking wall) is incredibly tame given Floyd's track record for innovative covers. To top it all off, the movie (which was apparently impossible to watch unless "stoned on reefer") gave faux-philosophical credence to mindless teenagers to rebel against society. Just what we needed.

We don't need no education!

Number 3: “The Ramones,” - The Ramones

The Ramones are undeniably the most overrated rock and roll band to have ever existed. They are, by their own admission, mediocre musicians and elementary songwriters that just happened to be in the right place at the right time. They follow the Chinese industrial model for business success – take a pre-existing idea and do it faster, sloppier, and with less production resources.

It’s a fun listen sure. But unlike Chinese industry, The Ramones are terribly inefficient. I was pissed off when I bought the album from Sam Goody for $18.99 when I was in high school. That was almost four hours of ravioli making at the local Italian restaurant where I was working in the kitchen. The disc is 29 minutes long. That is almost 66 cents (or 12 minutes of kitchen labor) per every one minute of 70’s punk glory. You don’t need to have an Ivy League business degree to know (all though it certainly helps) that is a terrible return on investment (ROI as we say in the biz).

They had style, they represented 70’s New York hyper-nihilism, and they made CBGB’s famous. Yeah, Blink 182 could boast comparable credentials. But, there is no reason to revere them as one of the all time greats of music. I personally just think that New York was getting bitchy because England and Los Angeles were making all of the good music in the 70's and they got pissed off and so the first iconic band that came around from one of the boroughs became canonized. I’ll tell you what, even the most jaded hipster will get pissed when you rag on the Ramones. Which is what makes it so much fun in the first place.

Number 2: “Hotel California” - The Eagles

Where to begin with this one? OK, I’ll start with the positives: The guitar solo in the song Hotel California is actually quite impressive (as Angela had proved), and it is very difficult to sing and play drums at the same time. Um… that’s it.

I would suggest that most people find the appeal of this album in a similar manner as they would enjoy a good Billy Joel or Elton John record. Chances are you like the music because your parents had introduced you to it at an early age and it made for some family theme songs. However, Billy Joel and Elton John both have immensely more talent than Don Henley or Joe Walsh (who, by the way, put on THE single-worst concert that I have ever seen a few months ago in Los Angeles); and are actually fun to listen to.

There is no soul in this album. Not every album needs “soul,” but when you are making a timeless, reflective album… well then there needs some emotive substance behind the record. Kind of like the problem with Los Angeles as a city. Hotel California is a depressing album that is probably “best” listened to when you start dating some state school girl (whom you let choose the music when driving in the car and you feigned interest in this garbage) and you realized that you became stupider by buying into her artistic preferences.

Number 1: “All That you Can’t Leave Behind” - U2

Sure, aging rock stars get a free-pass with their later albums because it’s difficult to criticize rock “legends.” But its particularly annoying when the new album gets such widespread exposure and acclaim that it turns a whole new generation of fans on to the music. I was young and naïve when Aerosmith released Get a Grip and I didn’t know better (and so I still think that its kick-ass out of nostalgia), but All That you Can’t Leave Behind is another story.

Modern Times is a nice album that probably is not going to win Bob Dylan any new, younger fans; but it’s a great treat for his long-time fans who have been craving unheard material. Same goes with Brian Wilson’s SMiLE (not really new), Cat Stevens' new album, any new Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton album, etc. But when All That you Can’t Leave Behind came out, not only did it revitalize U2’s career, it thrusted them to the Best Band in the Universe status. Huh? What? How does a crappy album (at best) not just save a dying band, but makes them the biggest rock band in the world (adored now by two generations and future Ipod buyers)?

The only people that should have been excited by Elevation and The Sweetest Thing are DJ’s at classic rock radio stations who finally get some new material to play, freeing them from their 40-song strict Clear Channel playlists.

There you have it Felds, ten ways to amuse yourself when trying to agree on music with a friend when drunk and standing at the bar's jukebox. Happy Holidays!

Top 10 Albums of 2006

2006-12-17T18:16:00.000-08:00

Jafar proudly presents the now web 2.0 industry standard top 10 list for most remarkable, amazing, inspiring, and fucking awesome albums of 2006. Although Angela feels '06 was unremarkable, I would say it was a solid year, though I feel that '05 and '07 will/did surpass '06. After all, we have Animal Collective and Radiohead to look forward to. Without further rambling, here it is.......your comments are expected.

1.) Joanna Newsom - YS

No surprise here, you all know my feelings on this album. Joanna has cemented herself as the greatest female singer-songwriter of all time. YS has single-handedly transformed the landscape of music, catapulting her into the best among the best of her contemporaries. Now with full control over her vocal range, she finds herself also responsible for the best lyrics of 2006. No other singer-songwriter in their 20s can hold a candle, a harp (or a fucking guitar for that matter) up to this dame.

2.) Jóhann Jóhannsson- IBM1401 - A User's Manual

Unfortunately for you, this album has not even been mentioned on the Feldheim. At #2 it's a good place to make it's debut. This Icelandic composer has composed his way into the soul of every listener with a heartbreaking and emotional record that is just about as moving as anything else I've heard in a long time. An exploration into the relationship between man and machine, it is a touching tribute to Jóhann Jóhannsson's father.

3.) Liars - Drums Not Dead

The Liars decided to bring back a little Rock & Roll for your cerebral cortex in 2006. The Liars cemented their status as one of the most intriguing and vital bands currently making music. Drums Not Dead is a perfect harmony of rhythm, melodies, and vocals......a creative work that will pass the test of time, and finds a way to always sound good........always.

4.) Mogwai - Mr. Beast

Not by any stretch of the imagination the best Mogwai album, but that doesn't even matter. Mogwai are one of the most powerful and awesome bands that has ever existed. Their unique sound and ambitious songwriting will always hold a place in my heart, and they definitely deliver on this record. Vocals return, but instrumentals prevail. Mogwai continue to stay true to who they are and what their music is all about, and we all owe them our thanks.

5.) Xiu Xiu - The Air Force

Walla walla walla walla walla walla hey.

Jamie Stewart is haunted. Don't believe me? Either ask Ritter or give this album a spin. Stewart blends pop, electronica, and gayness? in a way that lets you know what he's thinking and what his dreams (nightmares) consist of. A provocative and powerful album, this one cannot escape mention for 2006. Stewart's most accessible album to date, he is beginning to master his craft, and continues to deliver music that will molest your mind.

6.) The Knife - Silent Shout

Expect a post later on about the importance of the middle class to music. Countries like Sweden, Iceland, and Finland have a large middle class, so expect more and more great music from their neck of the woods. Sweden delivers with a sibling punch of hypnotic electronica that will leave you dazzled. At times haunting, and at others fun, this album is full of hits and has no misses. A departure from their previous album, it's going to be interesting to see where these Swedes take their Machinedrums and vocoders.

7.) Califone - Roots & Crowns

Rutili being Rutili. Simply stunning.

8.) TV on the Radio - Return to Cookie Mountain

Although I do think this album is overrated, there is no doubt it is great. A solid work from a band that seems to fill a certain space in today's music that no one else can.

9.) The Fiery Furnaces - Bitter Tea

One of the more misunderstood and underappreciated bands, The Fiery Furnaces are a band to be reckoned with. Perhaps a bit ahead of their time, Bitter Tea finds itself swept under the rug of hipsterdom. Fear not young hipsters, give it a couple spins and you will begin to realize the brilliance that spews forth.

10.) Danielson - Ships

If you love pop, then you will love Danielson's Ships. An inventive blend of pop with a solid cast behind him. Danielson's godloving doesn't offend the Richard Dawkins' of the world, and manages to make you feel good (or god).

Notable Mention at 11 (Sorry Lucas)...

11.) Destroyer - Destroyer's Rubies

Bejar is at it again, and he delivers with a mesmerizing album of pop brilliance. If it wasn't for some of the weaker tracks, this album would be up in the single digits.

Sesame Streets

2006-12-11T16:18:00.000-08:00


Feldheim worthy indeed

Top Ten Most Unremarkable Albums of 2006

2006-12-09T04:51:00.000-08:00

Two Thousand and Six.

It's almost over with. It's been a great year for me, but as far as events, it was frickin boring. No major disasters. Well, scratch that; there was that earthquake in Java or Bangladesh or some Muslim island, but that's Indonesia. I can't even point to it on a map. The only disaster in 'merka, was that big ol' boycott by Mexicans that was incredibly poignant, effective, and made White America hate those fence-jumpers even more. Oh and North Korea fired off some nukes, the PlayStation 3 was released, and the Dems took control of the house.

Yawn.

But music? Double yawn. In my mind, the biggest thing to happen in music this past year was The Big Red Box. The Jew Farm. This very forum itself: The Feldheim. Granted, there's been a couple new albums I discovered this year that have intrigued me, but I've posted most of them here already. Even so, only the Kooks, Men Women and Children, and In Flames were actually from this year. All in all I've been very unimpressed with music in 2006.

"Angela," you ask, "would you say it's been, 'fairly unremarkable?'"

I reply, "Indeed I would!"

So without further ado, here are The Top Ten Most Unremarkable Albums of 2006

10. Peeping Tom
Peeping Tom
It's tough to refute the fact that Mike Patton is a musical and vocal genius. I've pretty much liked all his stuff, from Faith No More, to Tomahawk, to Mr. Bungle. All very different and all utterly ridiculous. While I kinda like the debut album from Peeping Tom, there's something missing. It's dark, groovy, and it manages to amalgamate a number of different styles into a fairly cohesive disc. I guess it just feels like he was bored one weekend, needed to buy more heroin and said, "I suppose I could make an album." It's just sorta half assed. Kinda like this past year.

9.
Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Arctic Monkeys
It seems any British band that sang with accents was a critic's darling this year, and none more so than the Arctic Monkeys. First of all, what a stupid frickin name. What if I called my band The Sub-Tropical Turtles? Or The Mediterranean Birds?

Secondly have you ever heard these morons talk? It might as well be Gaelic.

Thirdly, the album is just not that great. Predictable chord progressions, worthless lyrics, and it sounds like shit I mixed when I was in college, panning over-dubbed tracks around from left to right. I'm all about raw rock, like Death From Above, the Kinks, or Black Flag. But this is just three idiots who fooled gullible people with bad teeth.

8. Last Man Standing
Jerry Lee Lewis
I actually think this is a good album. A stellar album even. I've been a big Jerry Lee Fan since I began playing the piano at age six while you were still having difficulty with two syllable words and not soiling yourself. His original hits were frickin great, but Last Man Standing is a departure from his previous style. And it has more guest appearances than the most recentYing Yang Twins release (those guys is so crunk). Still, with the success of movies like Ray and Walk the Line, maybe The Killer is just reminding us they made a movie about him before it was the cool thing to do. But I can't help but think it's more along the lines of, "I'm not dead yet! I just banged my 13 year-old cousin in the 60's, and blew my career into oblivion and country music where that sort of thing is acceptable."

7. From First to Last
Heroine
Ahh, Emo, we hardly knew ye. Emo has quite possibly become the third most quickly reviled subgenre ever, trailing only Disco and rap-rock. Listening to this disc, I couldn't tell you if it was Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance or Thursday or The Academy is... or Panic at the Disco or Chicks Don't Dig Me or any of that crap that this guy listens to. It seems like people are turning to more uplifting music. Like #6.

Though I'm not a fan of it, I truly understand the desire for happy music. Who wants to listen to some scrawny guy with a bad haircut, wearing girls' jeans and eyeliner, whining about why he can't get laid when the answer is so easy: stop wearing makeup, get a haircut, get a pair of Levis, and start lifting heavy things in your spare time instead of watching Donnie Darko by yourself and writing poems.

6. Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs!
HelloGoodbye
I can't believe shit like this actually passes for a record. And the band name, again. Honestly. For the love of all that is Holy, if you are going to have the gall to name yourselves after a Beatles tune, at least pick a more obscure track. You know, like, maybe one that wasn't a number one hit? Hmm? That's not to say I don't I like a couple songs on Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs!. I mean, the whole thing has more hooks than an pirate convention and is catchier than pubic lice.

But speaking of pubes, I truly believe all the guys in this band actually have fuzzy, little, damp vaginas; rather than huge dongs like the guys in Type O Negative or Motorhead or something. Even the cover art is phallic. Just look at it: it's a stubby, ejaculating penis wearing glasses, with an anus farting the band's name. I only wish the majority of the disc sounded as good as the cover foreshadowed. Hilary Duff would tell these guys to tone it down a bit. Just listening to HelloGoodbye, I can feel my testes shriveling in revulsion and the onslaught of a desire to clean something and to purchase strappy footwear. I'll be honest, in darker days, I've admitted to liking Tori Amos to get a little Aroo-ga!, but that's much different to trying to get some some cha-ching! by actually growing a twat.

If I had listened this malarkey in high school instead of Weezer, Cypress Hill, Nine Inch Nails, and Korn, I could be wearing scarfs in the summer and working at a flower store instead of saving the world one child at a time in war ravaged nation.

Rock 'n Roll: For the Sake of the Children®

5. Wolfmother
Wolfmother
Great name guys, really. It sounds like a curse word: Wolfmother. Simple. Effective. Australian. The album cover? Also spectacular: A giant lizard and tits. That's rock 'n roll. And the first track. Fuckin' wow. Talk about power: the scream, the RATM riffs and the breakdowns. But then: letdown. The rest of the disc is lame and formulaic in comparison. Why, oh why, would you waste my time, Wolfmother? You're the like the girl who unzips my pants at the bar but passes out drunk once I get her home. Not that the fun necessarily stops there, but one still feels guilty wiping off her stomach and putting makeup on the bruises.

Besides, I know why I liked this the first time around: cause I heard it in 1969 while I was still swimming in an epididymis. Christ guys, you might as well've called yourselves Bismuth Goodyear or Polonium Hindenberg.

With Microsoft ripping off the iPod, Baseball ripping off the Word Cup, this release has 2006 written all over it.

4. St. Elsewhere
Gnarls Barkley
What end of year list would be complete with out this disc? The infectious single blew onto the scene early in the year and pissed the hell out of anyone who heard it before June when it could be heard blasting out the windows of every suped up rice rocket on the road. That said, I think it's a pretty good album, defying genres as seems to be the trend these days. It's a white British DJ and Dirty Souf hip hop star that are making radio pop. Boggles my frickin mind. The question is:

Can pop be pop if no one listens to it?

Cause no one listened to anyhting but track two on this disc.

UNREMARKABLE!

3. The Loon
Tapes 'n Tapes
Seriously, what is this shit? One website from Wisconsin can make a or break a band? When I think of the center of culture, I think even Juba, New Sudan has a leg up on on the midwest. With all their power and influence, what does Shitfork do? They bring this boring, simplistic noise into the spotlight; a haphazard collection of tracks makes the Arctic Monkey's songs sound coherent and overproduced. This indie underground hit defies explanation and logic and sounds like any other over-reaching indie disc trying too damn hard to be out there and artsy.

But in an age where information is at our fingertips, the very fact that this band could undeservingly be thrust into the spotlight earns it a spot as one of the most unremarkable albums.

2. Pearl Jam
Pearl Jam
15 years into their career Pearl Jam finally releases their self titled avocado. Uh, I mean album. I believe self titled albums should only be the first album: you're trying to get your name out, a reviewer has to say the band name everytime they mention the album. But Pearl Jam is just being lazy. Frankly, I think one would get more enjoyment of stuffing an avocado in a CD player just to see what happens.

See, I love avocados. They are delicious on club sandwiches, tacos, gazpacho, tortilla soup, or summery chilled cilantro avocado consommé with crème fraîche. Ow, my balls! Goddamn HelloGoodbye side effects!

But most of all, 'cados are most delicious mashed up with onions, diced and seeded tomatoes, a little chili pepper, salt and lemon juice, subsequently scooped up with tortilla chips. God, I've been out of the country way too long.

But Pearl Jam has changed that: they've disgraced the purity of avocado. Wall-eyed sheep, no problem. Wall-eyed rear view kick, cool too. A homo-erotic hi-five? Even better. But defacing a delicious alligator pear with tired, repetitive, distended songs about Mookie Blaylock is downright blasphemy. How long are these guys gonna go at their formula? I'm glad they don't give interviews:

"Well you see, Bob," Eddie Vedder would say in his unbearably jittery 'Jeremy spoke in. . .' voice. "Since we released the same album sevens times already, we just figured, why not eight? I mean, when you call you're first Album 10. . ."

But after avocados and fake quotes, you're probably asking yourself, "has this asshat even listened to the disc?"

The answer is: no. I have not.

But I know, just like 2006, this album has brought forth nothing new or interesting.

1. Night Ripper
Girl Talk
Mashups: we've been inundated with them for years, both good and bad. I've said before, I think it all started with Puff Daddy's rip off of the Police. While not officially a mashup, it proved a song could be a hit without any real work. But this disc makes mashing up an art, and it is frankly the best hip hop I've heard since Speakerboxxx. Not because it dubs Diddy over The Pixies, Ludacris over Boston, Biggie over Elton, and David Banner over NIN, but because it's actually sounds good. It's a frickin party in a disc.

The only downside with this format is there's no actual songs, really. There's seperate tracks and stuff, but it's all really just one spasmodic mixed set of random sections that's a blast to sit through and actively experience, but if one is to search for meaning, patterns, trends, or clues, he will leave empty handed.

Wait for it. . .

. . .Just like 2006.

Joanna Newsom/William Callahan Extravaganza Post

2006-12-01T16:50:00.000-08:00

Great things happened. Hands down the most talented female singer/songwriter of all time. Hands down one of the greatest musical experiences I've witnessed.

You should have been there ritta!!!!!!

Anticipatory Joanna Newsom/William Callahan Extravaganza Post

2006-11-27T17:36:00.000-08:00

Thank you drag city. Going to see Joanna with beau Callahan back 2 back on Wed. & Thurs. in Malibu & LA. Expecting great things to happen, and I know they will.

Danielson (of the re: Family of)

2006-11-27T12:49:00.000-08:00

It's still sunny in LA. I went to the beach during thanksgiving break, and it was 74. What does this all mean? It means I'm posting some mutha F'n Gospel Music for November. Jafar? Gospel? Christianity? Doritos?

I wanted to post Isis's incredible Oceanic but the file sizes (and the fuzz) are too massive for the box. So instead of metal you get pop. Not just any pop. This is pop of the ages.

Danielson's Ships will probably crack most Top 5/10 “Albums of the Year” lists that will be coming out in the next 5 weeks. Some categorize Danielson as Indie Pop, others as Gospel, some as Avant-Pop. All would be correct. The band’s members include 6 siblings. Danielson actually stands for Danielson Famile. Sufjan Stevens (Ritter’s Wet Dream) is also in and out of this act. The ‘Hoof (Deerhoof) are all over this album.

Ships, Daneilson's first album in 5 years is a masterpiece. Harmonies and melodies are intertwined in a creative orchestra of pop greatness. If you enjoy pop music, hear it here at its best.

For those of you who are wondering what the fuck I am doing listening to “gospel” music, give this disc a spin and you’ll realize that there is no preaching. I am not a fan of the Jesus Camp’s of the world, but I am a fan of life. All you Donnie Darko fans know that god is Awesome. This album is a celebration bitches. A celebration of life. Ain’t nuthin wrong with that.

Vote Romney.

Jafar's Monthly Video Post

2006-11-21T13:18:00.000-08:00

the power of editing + the power of music ---------->

Bachelor Pad: Cheesy or Funky?

2006-11-14T22:14:00.000-08:00

I got caught up in the neo-lounge musical movement of the early 2000's. This music, championed by the 18th Street Lounge label, was referred to as the new bachelor pad music. Lounge music, which always had roots in easy-listening rhythms such as bossa-nova, jazz, and mod-bubblegum-pop, was now being "remixed" with world music samples (Thank you Angela) and downtempo beats. You've heard this from Thievery Corporation, The Blue States, Kruder & Dorfmeister, Tosca, etc.

Needless to say though, it is not very good music. Much of the original music that is sampled is decent; but the remixes typically either ruin the song, or do not do enough to change the music for it to be a true re-mix. Also, there is a very fine line between some of these lounge grooves and smooth jazz, which is unequivocally the worst type of music on the planet Earth. The reason really why I think that 'lounge music' became repopular again is because it is easy to listen to, typically has a good beat, and the good stuff samples very obscure music - thus giving the listener the double ego-boost of feeling both hip and elite. I recall the bar staff at Dino's all jerking each other off when The Last Man in Babylon was released.

Contrary to popular belief, "bachelor pad" music is what single dudes play when they are single because no one else wants to hear that garbage (in addition to the music being so sexually charged that he ends up gaining steam for his sexually frustrated engine). But, people think that its hip to play at dinner parties. Needless to say, I decided against submitting any downtempo albums and decided to go a different way with my bachelor pad post. I am submitting two albums this month, each of which would be amusing to play at a different types of dinner parties.

The first is the type of album that you play at your first wine and cheese party after college. Oh you feel so mature because you decided to blow some extra cash and get Trader Joe's wine as opposed to the boxed stuff. Yuck, Pepper Jack and White Cheddar cubes just seem to sophomoric, and you decide to go with Fontina and Jarlsberg. You break out your retro sports coat and call everyone "baby." Adorable, 24 going on douchebag. Cal Tjader Sounds Out Burt Bacharach is actually a fun album when not taken too seriously. Cal Tjader, the latin-jazz vibraphonist interprets the songs of the 60's quintessential pop-music puss hound, Burt "Boner" Bacharach (Thank you Austin Powers). Anyway, the arrangements are impressive and is an enjoyable listen before wanting to kick your own ass later.

The second is the type of album that you play at your first outdoor barbecue with your new friends when you move into the city. Some of your friends may even be (oh my god how exotic!) minorities, and you want to seem hip and urban without trying too hard. The Jukebox 45's by Peanut Butter Wolf may just be the perfect album. PB Wolf is a Nor-Cal hip-hop DJ from the 90's, who like every Nor-Cal hip-hop DJ from the 90's was obsessed with old funk and soul. This album is a compliation of both collaborations that he had made (some of which have rapping) as well as old funk and soul songs that he liked. Ergo, the album has the feeling of a cross-over generational block party that will have your black friends giving you the head-nod of respect, and maybe even a fist pound.

This is a journey into sound

2006-11-09T16:23:00.000-08:00

For your listening pleasure I've posted to the box this month:

Pet Shop Boys: Discography. I'll cross reference a previous post if you are interested in further discussion. Do indulge in this compilation of some of the best from one of my favorite electronic music duos.

I've also provide Cut Chemist: The audience's Listening. While I only acquired it about a week ago it has quickly made it's way into my all time greatest circle. We all have musicians we admire and to and cut chemist is one such musician -- a major player in the underground hip hop scene. This album is phenomenal, the tracks are seamless and of course it was all created using turntables - one can't argue with that. On a personal note I picked up the album when I was at his show about a week ago. I was right up front and got to speak into the microphone and have what I said mixed into his live performance. It was pretty sweet. He also autographed and gave me the DVD that he recorded it on and wished me luck with the burgeoning career as a turntablist. It was awesome, I was totally smitting.

The Fall of Troy: F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X.

2006-11-05T06:13:00.000-08:00

I usually hate it when band re-records their EP or shitty sounding independent release and release it as a new album. I've been enjoyng their 2003 initial release for the past month or so. I also thought threesome usually needed a lead singer or another guitarist.

That is, until I found this track.

F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X, off their relatively new release Doppelganger is a redux of the hideously titled F.C.P.S.I.T.S.G.E.P.G.E.P.G.E.P. from their 2003 release. It evokes the At-The Drive In, Funeral for a Friend, and even some of my old hardcore faves .

Is it sacrilege to post a music video on feldheim? I mean besides some children's entertainer. Like a serious music video?

We'll find out:

Pre-emptive Comments

Angela: "This is earth shatteringly groundbreaking rock. It changes the very paradigm of what we know as music."

Toonces: "Not bad. I actually kind of enjoy it. But it kinda sounds like it's off beat at some points like that one Led Zeppelin song. I am a DJ. I can pick that stuff out. Anyways, you like that definitely check out this band called Joy Division. You'd totally dig it."

Blossom: "Irregardless. What a blatant Pearl Jam rip off."

Ritter: "I don't get it, bro. Why don't they slow it down and throw in some world music samples?"

Jafar: "Dude. I lived in Brooklyn. Fucking brook-lyn, aiight? Man, I knew about these guys four years ago before they were even a band and saw them twice in a club you'd never be able to find because it's not even a club: it's actually an abandoned butcher fridge in an alley in Prospect Heights . Now where'd I put those chuck taylors..."

Screech: "UFIA. That guitarwork is totally l33t, 100% teh h4x04r. ytmnd. w00t."

Woody: "I really, truly, utterly, and completely love men."

Biff: "I have my own internet company. That means I'm really busy. Seriously! Why doesn't anyone believe me?"

In Flames: Come Clarity

2006-11-03T02:08:00.000-08:00

It seems that Pitchfork will give any ambient sub-pop/electronica or post-punk/noise-dance act at least an 6.5. And it would seem the only thing cooler than being brooklyn based is to be norse. Icelandic, Norway, or Sweden will pretty much guarantee a place in the heart of a body shrouded in faded ringer tee.

In Flames should be Pitchfork darlings

In Flames is a Norse outfit, so I guess they got that going for them in the alternate reality that is the Pitchfork rating system, but this band will not be opening for Sigur Ros any time soon. Yeah, they're Swedish, but even Bjork might think them to be a little dissonant. Why not? I suppose it could be because These guys might be considered thrashcore. Perhaps goth, death metal, perhaps even speedmetal at points. But subgenres be damned. Call it whatever the hell you want to. This disc is 100%-pure-knuckles-to-the-teeth metal.

Can I understand a word lead vocalist Anders Fridénsays? Most of the time, no. But whoopdeshit, nobody knows what anyone says in music. No Trent Reznor was singing, "I want a duck shaped like a triangle."

So just pretend it's swedish and that you're not supposed to understand.

Besides, Looking at that picture I could have told you he was an acoustic singer songwriter. He's got dreads and everything!

But this pic is the fury of the man on the stage:

I know the majority of you will not add this album to your playlist. But I've been on a bit of a metal kick lately so mustn't I transcend my it to Feldheim? Or perhaps schadenfreude my motivation for my recent Feldheim post? Maybe I want you irk you all by posting something at which you will immediately turn up your elite noses?

No. I just want you to listen to the first track.

Just the first track, "Take This Life." The first 50 seconds invade your ears, kicking down the door, giving way to a head bangingly good chorus. Despite the blistering pace, the phrasing is ubiquitously trepidatious, as the melody makes sudden u-turns only to find its way back to the original route.

The the bridge offers a rave-worthy build up only to break out into a growl and a coda back to the intro closing with the chorus. The percussion is expressive but not intrusive, the guitar work throughout methodical.

And fucking fast.

You'd think they had a palm mute pedal.

I only ask you listen to track number one to sample some phenomenal metal. But listen to Reflect the Storm, Come clarity for depth of rock and some hooks. The problem I have with a lot of black metal that incorporates melody is that it comes off sounding operatic and dumb. What I love about metal like this is that everyone can yell. Just about anyone can sing. But not a lot of people can yell like this.

Listen to Leeches, Dead End, and Versus Terminus for driving beats, machine gun riffs, but also because of choruses catchy enough that you can hum along.

Or check out Crawl Through Knives just for its badassness

This is a great disc. But I'm gonna make like LeVar Burton, and look at kiddie porn. As well as say, "Don't take my word for it," my hipster friends. For despite some jabs, your beloved Pitchfork rated In Flames' Come Clarity a 7.3.

Now you're not cool if you don't like it.

* Merry Halloween Feldheimians *

2006-10-31T11:54:00.000-08:00

Whatup Now ITunes???!!! I said.....WHATUP NOW!!!!!!

2006-10-30T09:56:00.000-08:00

From TMT

Some Guy Hacks iTune's FairPlay, Which Might Mean Something to You; Read On to Find Out If it Does

iTunes users, the days of tyranny are over, and your emancipator is named DVD Jon! Really! I don't necessarily understand the particulars of this great event — it has something to do with Apple Computers cock-blocking the masses and just generally being bad sharers — but I'll do my best to correctly paraphrase some articles written by people who do.

Whether you knew it or not, all of the music you have been downloading from the iTunes store is compatible with only one model of portable MP3 player: the massively ubiquitous iPod, which is also an Apple product. This is thanks to a witchy little program, or maybe a "bug" or something, called FairPlay. So in essence, if you wanted to carry your legally downloaded iTunes music away from your computer — and 88% of online digital music purchases are through iTunes — you would need an iPod. This is the type of arrangement that was just itching for a bypass of the fuck-the-man kind.

DVD Jon, properly known as Jon Lech Johansen, is a 22-year-old Norwegian national who first made waves among computer nerds when he reverse-engineered something about DVDs so he could play them on his Linux system. He was 15 when he did that. The Scandinavian computer whisperer is confident that his FairPlay bypass is legal and is exploring ways to make it commercially available. Eventually, the workaround could be licensed to companies that manufacture digital music players so they can take advantage of iTunes.

It's not a Sin

2006-10-29T20:41:00.000-08:00

I think I've tried to no avail to get some of you to appreciate the Pet shop Boys. Now that I saw them live it makes more sense to my why it didn't take - you are not homosexuals. But, I saw the Pet Shop Boys last night and it was one of the greatest concert experiences of my life. I was youngest person among an audience composed predominantly of gay men between the ages of 30 and 60 who admire Neil Tennant for more than his ability to pair creative lyrics with electronic beats - and yes his voice really does sound like that outside of a studio. So where I guess I'm going with this is that I always enjoyed the pet shop boys for their electronic sound because I think it's fun. I like electronic music, I like synthesizers and I like dancing my affection for the pet shop boys or any new wave electronic band isn't that complicated. I never knew they wrote songs that became anthems to an entire subpopulation. But I discovered this last night. It was the first time I'd ever really seen a gay pride in Minnesota and it was really awesome because generally speaking I don't think people are that tolerant of it out here. Not to mention they played almost all of my favorite songs, and everyone was dancing -- a lot.

It was a much needed reminder of how infectious cheap beats can be and how much better music sounds when you are listening to it with people you like it as much as if not more than you do. Not only that but I think arguably a negative implication of being one of the listening elite is that one starts to take the act of listening to music too seriously. We become critics and forget to just enjoy it. If I may borrow an expression I encounter often in law school, music becomes "inextricably intertwined" with out identities so such that I think we become self conscious about how we project our musical taste to the rest of the world and might fear admitting that we like something god forbid for example has made it's way into mainstream pop culture. Don't we always get over the indie bands once they get more of a mainstream audience? Why? Have our tastes changed? Was it just a fad? Or are we too cool to like them anymore? That being said I encourage you all to put on your tightest jeans, your neon hooded sweatshirt and your puma sneakers, and indulge in some pet shop boys -- to be posted to the box soon. I sincerely hope you have fun not taking yourself too seriously for an hour such that you might consider trying it again.

Before I wrap up, however, I'd like to pose a three part question: what music was/is your guilty pleasure? Why do you love it? And why are/were you ashamed?
Mine used to be oldies, I would only listen to them while I was alone in the car driving places. I love them because my dad and I used to listen to them in the car when I was little and he would tell me stories about when he was young and now they remind me of being a little kid. Everyone who caught me listening always had some sort of backhanded comment to make. But I'm not afraid any more! I've matured tremendously

Album Artwork: Not this Again

2006-10-25T13:33:00.000-07:00

No, not the best, not the most shocking. Nor even a flash battler thereof.

We've covered all that.

The Knockoff Project has a user generated collection of album artwork that displays striking similarities between some disparate albums.

I, for one, never knew that Turbonegro's classic album Ass Cobra, (there is no other way to type Ass Cobra without it appearing in bold—It's simply impossible) was modeled after some album called Pet Sounds.

The Beach Boys? Who the hell are they?

Say Anything: ...Is a Real Boy

2006-10-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

With chimps like Good Charlotte and Yellow Card throwing feces in our faces and calling 'em 'albums,' it's nice to know California still has a little punk left. OK. Maybe not punk. But at least pop punk.

Yeah. That's right. Pop punk. When did it become derogatory? Wasn't Green Day pop punk? Dookie was as full of hooks, vocal harmonies and syrupy bass fills as any third eye blind or matchbox 20 album. It's just that Green Day's songs were, uh, good. I suppose their non chalance in calling their album "poo," helped them out a bit.

Weezer was pop-punk. Powerchords and songs about youth-riddled angst, is what punk really is. And isn't that Weezer? Sure, Rivers' songs were more about girls than angry political juvenescence.

I think we have Blink-182 to thank for derogating 'pop punk.' Despite their penchant for brilliantly filthy album titles, Thanks to their efforts—or lack thereof—I will manually change the genre 'Pop Punk' when it DLs from the CDDB database. Blink achieved a status near that of the Backstreet Boys. Naked, instrument playing Backstreet Boys, but boy band nonetheless. Following their demise, they brought us the onslaught of crap that now passes as punk to the Hot Topic generation. There's no emotion, no vigor, no character.

Nothing like buying your rebellion at the mall.

Of course, as I approach my 25—uh, I mean 85—birthday, I am a bit remorse to listen to a band named after a movie that was released well into the stride of my lifetime. I am too old to be listening to this album. I enjoyed it and I felt guilty. I shouldn't still like music like this. But when Trent Reznor and The Corrs have a song that sahres the same title, I liked the refreshing strain of the disc. But, I could not help but to feel guilty. Like a lonely girl who gets depressed eats an entire pan of brownies in shameful self resentment.

Lead singer Max Bemis evokes a young Tim Kasher, unfortunately without the range, but he's definitely doing his own thing, not singing.... well, just that, not singing at all. He's almost chanting through verses with a monotone slur reminscent of Craig Finn, but with more swagger and lyrical style.

Contrasting the strained, yet strangely non-melodius vocals are over-dubbed chants, middle of the verse riffs, a touch of synths, and enough oohs, aahs and whoas, to make Trail of Dead roll over in their (proverbial) grave.

With all the production there's still a youthful energy over the distortion. Couple it with track upon track of noise laden harmony resulting in catchy hooks.

It's like the sorority girl found out all those brownies were fat free.

And were baked with a 1/4 of dank buds.

Axelrod

2006-10-14T15:43:00.000-07:00

I was having a music discussion the other day with my friend as to what constitutes the "coolest" music. Of course the silly conversation produced no definitive answers because the nature of the topic itself is so subjective that there will never be total agreement. The person who thinks that it is "cool" to blast Eminem from their Accord while driving through Ocean City, MD is not going to be convinced that seeing Steven Malkmus play a private show in a small bar is "cool." The abstract of the word "cool" itself is too broad and vague to really make for any meaningful musical debate.

But I'm talking specifically about the music. What are the songs that make you feel like you are fucking James Dean as you listen to your Ipod and walk down the street, the songs that you put on at the start of the party while everyone is sober and they start to question their choice in outfit because they do not know if they belong in such a hip presence, the songs that you play while you stare at yourself in the mirror, choke yourself, and masturbate.

I'm talking "Inspiration Information" by Shuggie Otis; "La Femme d' Argent" by Air; "Ghostwriter" by RJD2; "Corcovado" by Stan Getz, etc.

Anyway, the album that I'm posting this month, "The Edge" by David Axelrod is super cool. David Axelrod was an American producer/musician that bounced around between a bunch of different labels back in the 60's and 70's. This is a compilation of some of his greatest work while at Capitol Records. David Axelrod is by no means mainstream, nor is he really obscure. In fact, he is a big name among hip-hop heads as a lot of DJ's have sampled his work, Dr. Dre, DJ Shadow, Madlib, etc. I had originally heard of his when he made a brief appearance in the indie-lounge scene with having "The Edge"(written by actor David McCallum and produced by Axelrod) on a Morcheeba compilation. This song, which you will instantly recognize and have to hold yourself back from screaming "Dr. Dre Motherfucker!" appears on this album as well. Anyway, he wrote half the songs and produced the others (which include contributions from David McCallum [actor in The Great Escape], Lou Rawls [cool soul guy, though had gotten cheesy through the years], and jazz workhorse Cannonball Adderley.

I was going to post a different Axelrod album that wasn't a greatest hits compilation, but this one is more soundtrack in feel to it and actually flows better than some of his other work. Listen to it while driving home late at night in your car or while making dinner for that chick that you met with the pierced thing below her bottom lip. It's mellow, it's jazzy, it's freaking cool man. Enjoy.

Scarlett Johansson and Bob Dylan awarded Noble Prizes in Mathematics for the following formula: Bob Dylan + Scarlett Johansson + Music Video = : )

2006-10-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

Band Name Origins

2006-10-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

Every now and then a site comes a long that makes Feldheim look like a professional piece of work. This sorry excuse for an interactive experience has got, as the kids are saying these days, 'TeH C0nt3nTZ.' ReALly, i WaNna kNOW: dOeSnT wRItiNg LikE THiS PisS anYONe eLSe OfF? For the love of

But back to the matter at hand. The Content:

Did you know jethro Tull was named after great-great-great-great-great uncle twiced removed? No seriously. That's true.

I did not know that the Goo Goo Dolls used to be called the Sex Maggots. They just went up a notch in my book. Of course, getting that notch above Matchbox 20 doesn't say much...

I know this has nothing to do with anything, but I sure do find it funny.

Herman Dune Is Awesome

2006-10-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

Here's Why:

Have a nice day.

Out of Control

2006-10-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

Apologies for the delay in posting. I had to put my Feldheim responsibilities on hold for a bit in order to met some deadlines in the name of the Minnesota's 4th Judicial District and the Journal of Law and Inequality. But enough excuses right. I hereby present you with Mad Professor - The Inspirational Sounds of Mad Professor.

Although he's been around for ages I first discovered mad professor a couple of weeks ago when a friend of mine lend me a CD full of new music for me. I've never been one to listen to a lot of reggae and I've never had strong feelings about reggae either. Besides the classic Marley albums and such I just wasn't exposed to it and never really went looking for it. Needless to say I'll listen to anything once as I'm always one to be open minded about new music. I've always considers myself to be somewhat of a mad scientist so I was drawn to trying out Mad Professor. This album has got some great beats and I've been enjoying it as the back drop to my study efforts. I encourage you all to give it a listen.

Best Music in Movies?

2006-10-09T10:27:00.000-07:00

It seems ever since the approach of the year 2000, everyone began making lists. Top 100_________ of the millenium, Top 10 _______if ________, and so forth. However, in the apst 6 years it hasn't really ceased. I'm not big on lists, and few are rarely appropriate for feldheim. However, Bullz-Eye recently compiled a list of the top music moments in film history. OK, so it's contemporary film history cause there were few things hotter than Marilyn Monroe's singing scenes in Some like it Hot:

It's a fun read with lots of video for those of you with bandwidth.

And it's much cleaner than my last post.

Album Artwork: Shockingly Revisted, Now with Boobies

2006-10-08T23:40:00.000-07:00

Glad to see Jafar giving us our dose of music related YouTube. I'd like to discuss album artwork as well. Browsing about last.fm—where tha Feldheim at, yo?—I came across the band Thee Shams.

Supposedly they have a 'gritty blues rock sound.' To me, that means they know neither how to play their instruments, nor how to produce a record. Still, looking at the cover of their album Please yourself, (NSFW!) I was impressed.

As an 85 year-old grandmother, I can appreciate a great rack better than anyone: I've years of experience with tits.

Just take a look a Murder She Wrote sometime. Full of boobs, that show was.

Surprisingly, the artwork itself is not shocking, not even really sexy. But I still want it in my collection to play on my XXX jukebox:

NippleTunes:
the MPR0N3 player.

Anyhow, the glorious mamms proudly display on Please Yourself, it got me thinking about other nudie albums. And then albums that have shocked and simultaneously delighted us across the years. To think Bow Wow Wow caused such a stir with their See Jungle! release 25 years ago. Now bunch of losers from Ohio plaster ta-tas across their album, probably in an attempt to garner press or attention.

Seriously, has anyone heard of these guys? Anyone in the Felheim?

Anyone?

Given the relative obscurity of the tuneage, this article is perhaps their most prominent to date. Which is funny cause I've never heard their music, and because this is the Feldheim. We're only a short step up from Blender. I venture to bombastically guess that albums have acheived fine artwork status. Basically, funbags are acceptable.

Wolfmother has a great set of jubblies on their record cover, and no one cares. However, years before, Pink Floyd released A Nice Pair to much oppositon from Americans. Jane's Addiction released the aptly titled Nothing's Shocking in '88 with 2 sets of milk balloons on the cover. The Pixies' Surfer Rosa was also released the same year. Also with little lungwart showing.

Since nudity is now suddenly OK, it has ceased to shock. But leave it to a punk band to make nudity shocking: almost all of Dwarves' (NSFW!) albums feature nudity and make it filthy enough it seems even Amazon won't display the image of their masterpiece, Blood, Guts, and Pussy. Although definitely NSFW, it's not so bad: it's just two naked women. And a naked little person. All covered in Blood.

Now for logical purposes—given the title of their record—the album artwork is a propos and quite representational of the title.

Discussing shocking albums would not be complete without a nod to Nashville Pussy, who's Let Them Eat Pussy album borders on the ridiculous. I mean, it's cool they have chicks in the band, but just imagine what they went through to come up with that name:

Backwoods Tennesee, late 1991
Bassist: "I like Chatanooga Snatch."
Drummer: Too long. Clarksville Clit? Jackson Hole?
Guitarist: No, no. The Monkees did Clarksville already. And Jackson hole is just a little TOO dirty. What about Memphis Cock'n'Balls?
Lead Singer: Uh-uh; no way. We agreed on female gentalia. I thought that's why everybody voted down Louisville Grundle.
Guitarist: Grundle doesn't even count. Besides Louisville in in Mississippi
Lead Singer: It's an erogenous zone, isn't it?
Guitarist: I always thought Mississippi was a commonwealth.
Lead Singer: You're a commonwealth.
Bassist: Hey! C'mon, fighting won't get us anywhere. For the record, Louisville is not in Mississippi. It's in Alabama.
Drummer: To the matter at hand, hows about Tri-Cities Twat?
Guitarist: For the love of...we're gonna be here all day with our 'Tenessee metropolitan area + vagina' formula. We could go on and on: Knoxville Labia, Nashville Pussy, Murfreesboro Cunt—
Lead Singer: Wait...what was that second one?"

Interestingly enough after racking my brain, Wikipedia has a list of album covers with nudity. But not all of these are shocking. While we covered great album artwork, so many album covers have been deemed offensive Amorica? Electricarryland? Nevermind? Aren't some of the covers that shock us also the great ones?

Battle of the Album Covers

2006-10-08T14:59:00.000-07:00

Fire At Will...

2006-10-08T14:51:00.000-07:00

White Pony: Disc Two

2006-10-08T02:16:00.000-07:00

So some of you have heard the wondrousness of disc one. Is wondrousness even a word?

Fuck yes it is.

You will not like disc two. It is rife with tumult: distorted vocals, over crunched guitars, and simplified yet poignant percussiveness makes disc two the metal portion. Disc one was far reaching, with it's digital beats and forthcoming guitar tracks. Disc two is more raw than hardcore porn.

While tracks like Feiticeira and Passenger have the same yearning, somewhat sharp vocals heard throughout disc one, it is tracks like Elite break through like the Kool Aid man and kicking the tranquil asses of Teenager and Digital Bath.

For the pure genius, listen to Back to School. I know, I know, rapcore, g-punk, whatever you want to call it is a tired genre. But surely one cannot write off greats like Rage Against the Machine, the Beasties, or Body Count, simply because of genre association.

Radiohead was hailed as genius for (among other things) dual versions of Morning Bell on Amnesiac and Kid A. How can anyone take a song as somber and expansive as Pink Maggit and turn it into Back to School? I dunno. Despite the tempo and the disparate vocals, I think each version evokes the same emotions in the listener, a subdued yet focused yearning for more. More of what?

That's up to you.

As I'm sure you'll notice, disc one is mostly even tracks, disc two mostly odd. The album as a whole is a paradox; each track contradicting the one that came before it. After listening to disc two, listen to White Pony as it was intended.

Lemme know your thoughts

Gift from a fasting Jew

2006-10-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

Hello Feldheim!

I promise that to be the last exclamation point I will ever use! Exclamation points are for the grammatically puerile and the socially insincere. I will refuse the temptation to mire in the debasement of exclamations, but I indulge just this once like a teenage Myspacer to emphasize my eagerness in expressing musical eclecticism and elitism with such fine fine company as yourselves.

That said, I must present myself, and my Prada briefcase of Apse to Feldheim:

Apse is a homegrown Brooklyn band whom I discovered while researching musical performances at the Pussycat Lounge—a squalid stripclub in Manhattan’s financial district whose clientele include old Cornell Pi Kappa Fi brothers and fellow Fidelity and Goldman Sachs twenty-something I-Banking millionaires.

Irregardless of the discovering venue, a band making music in a room that looks like this:

must be cool as shit.

“Sonic Landscapes”

This phrase describes the kind of music that makes Hippies weep because it syncs so well with the Visualizer on their media player. Many bands nowadays love to exploit the phrase when self-proclaiming their music. I believe Creed stated that their music depicts “sonic landscapes mimicking the surroundings of Jesus while condemning the Pharisees.” Cat Power claims she creates “sonic landscapes illustrating a moody, bitch-ass chick playing piano and crooning.” And Nickelback proselytizes “sonic landscapes of Nicholas Cage playing a PRS reminiscing about how he misses his drunk dad’s beatings.”

But Apse stays true to the “sonic landscape” phenomenon by making sounds that travel, sounds that eerily choose moonlit cirrus and cumulus over domestic and high school sorrows, sounds that are mists over moors. Maybe this is an amateur first EP with a lot of potential talent; maybe this is pure shit genius.

One thing for sure is that having this band’s name in your iTunes will always look cool.

I give my sincerest thanks for the honor of my petition to join the Feldheim. I believe I can look down my nose at the world and utter words of monosyllabic arrogance to par with you who have come before me. Thank you for creating such a place, such a haven for asses caped in velvet, cuff linked in sterling, and accustomed to the “finer things in life.”

Your hopeful equal,

Blossom -- (what the fuck kind of avatar is this? But I'll take it.)

What's Next

2006-10-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

Ritter you do pose the most interesting questions

What music style is gonna be aped next?

I don't know if this will be the next big thing,

Men Women and Children are one of the phoenixes born of the ashes of Long Island hardcore outfit Glassjaw. Listening to the first track of their self titled disc, the rattled guitar riff, the descending bass, the driving beat, you think it's going in the same direction as the funereal dissonance that made Glassjaw a household name.

Well, at least in my household. I like my coffee black like my metal, baby.

BUt just as you're rotating your neck to start head banging, you hear you the synth strings. You struggle with the difficulty to comprehend what you are hearing.

Yes, that's right.

It's disco.

Disco is perhaps one of the most reviled eras of musical history. It's as if we want to forget we ever danced. Though I wasn't alive then, I think I know what the disco era was about. I've seen Forrest Gump.

And I've seen Boogie Nights.

Disco was about carefee cocaine fueled fun. It didn't matter. It was carefree senseless pop music.

That is, I think, where Men Women and Children differ. Although their tracks are fun, I don't believe they are carefree at all. There is a certain precision and deliberate sound to the record. You don't just drop the beat and overdub chants on digital hand claps without mustering intent! Songs like Photosynthesis high lighting the Band's synth memeber, while drawing from from Freddy Mercury's stable of vocal range, everything from breathy 'another one bites the dust' baritone to belting out clear 'Don't Stop Me Now" tenor.

Interestingly enough, a refreshed rejuvenated Screech just commented:

"Hmmmm, the Bee Gees saw a brief resurgence with the Fugee's Stayin' Alive some years ago.

With the fad of bellbottoms and aviators, I would not be surprised to find a disco wave washing through. The tide will likely start flowing from Europe. Outfits like Dmitri from Paris or Boris will start the trouble in Ibiza, and it'll flow down from there. "

Sure, some tracks like Who Found Mister Fabulous and Monkey Monkey Mensound a bit like they're trying out-gay the Scissor Sisters.

And by the look of their press photos.....

It would seem that these guys are just about to be doing the french mistake.

Anyone?

Anyone get the reference?

But Messy and At Night I Like to Fightfire right back with their mathematical riffs and a David Lee Roth sensibility with lines like "take off that attitude, but keep on those high heel shoes."

Besides, nobody out-gays David Lee Roth.

I mean nobody!

Nice neckercheif diamond Dave. Soon you'll be wearing ascots to family reunions, drinking old fashioneds. Proclaiming, "I just haven't found the right girl, OK?!"

Kinda like Woody circa 2017.

This is not an earth shattering development in music.

MWC, not neckercheifs and scots.

Sure, Franz Ferdinand and the Killers wanted people to dance, but they just made rock with a dance beat. And monotone vocals. No one want to dance to that crap.

MWC don't want you to dance. They tell you on the first track: "You don't need a reason..." I think some of the Feldheim members will take a first listen and write this disc off. I know I did, when I listened to the first single nearly a year ago. I probably wouldn't even have given it credence if I didn't know that Todd Weinstock was involved. But the more I listened the more I liked it. I knew that is was over-produced with meaningless lyrics. I knew Pitchfork would never review this groovy LP.

But I also knew that it was fun as hell.

Happy Yom Kippur

2006-10-01T22:40:00.000-07:00

To the Jewish majority of the Feldheim:

May 5767 be a blessed year.

Joanna Newsom - YS

2006-10-01T17:11:00.000-07:00

Joanna Newsom’s latest album is an indisputable work of genius.

It’s also album of the year.

Stop your internal dialogue.

Harmonies, melodies, compositions, collaborations, sonic landscapes, majors, minors, chords, whole notes, scales, 4/4, 8/4, 4/5, 67/30490358345…….

Once every couple years an artist/musician/band will contribute something to the world that not only changes the face of music, it serves as an inspiration, affirmation, and vindication of something that shouldn’t be described with words. Joanna has created this album, and then some. Emerging as the greatest contemporary female songwriter, YS is a breakthrough album.

Originality in musical composition is a goal for every artist - To create your own “sound” or your own “style.” The hopes are that your musical accomplishments will inspire your fans and colleagues, that your music will be respected, and that you, in the long run, provided the world with a timeless contribution. Joanna has achieved all of the above.

Now, it is important to note that this album is not for everyone. You can’t take BC calculus without taking Algebra 2. The fact of the matter is though, that it is so good that it doesn’t matter if you don’t like it. It is beyond the realm of opinion…..god am I embracing this whole elitism thing.

Here’s how I feel when I listen to this album:

I feel like I’m on a planet made of marbles, and I have stepped into a pool of velvety quicksand. Instead of panicking, I find myself comforted. Black clouds turn to white, and it rains cherry blossoms. Meteors break off and float around the magic hour sky, and I am being massaged by the hands of god herself. Then god whispers into my ear in elvish, and guess what, I now somehow speak elvish.

god: velvista humiero continlastigo
jafar: cantilo superiftestic lumincafigarowilben
god; jeeejeeboogbooga

translation:

god: joanna has given you the gift of good tunes
jarar: I know, this album is the shit
god: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrddddddddddddddddddd!

Analog.

Named after a mythical city, the entire album was recorded in analaog, and then transferred over to the digital medium. Perhaps, no, fuck perhaps, this is why the album is warm, why it is alive, why you can give it a hug if you want to. Mixed by Jim O’Rourke, (who is the fucking man by the way), and recoreded at Abbey Road studios, the album’s production values are flawless. Bill Callahan, or (smog), also throws down some vocals on the album. He’s also the one deflowering joanna. Steve Albini recorded and engineered the album.

Van Dyke Parks is responsible for all the arrangements. (Those not familiar with O'Rourke, Albini and Van Dyke Parks should do a quick google search, they are responsible for some of your favorite albums).

With a ridiculous production ensemble, the expectations are automatically high…….good thing Joanna pulls through.

Vocals.

So yeah, Joanna maybe had some issues with her control on her last album, Milk Eyed Mender, well, those issues have disappeared. It is scary how remarkable her voice is. She does it all. Incredible.

Lyrics.

Many people would characterize Joanna Newsome’s lyrics and style as whimsical weird freak-folk. I can see where they are coming from, but there is much more beyond this depiction.

With a range reminiscent of Bjork, Joanna’s use of imagery creates a world that we have never known.

And there was a booming above you
That night, black airplanes flew over the sea
And they were lowing and shifting like
Beached whales
Shelled snails
As you strained and you squinted to see
The retreat of their hairless and blind cavalry

You froze in your sand shoal
Prayed for your poor soul
Sky was a bread roll, soaking in a milk-bowl
And when the bread broke, fell in bricks of wet smoke
My sleeping heart woke, and my waking heart spoke

Then there was a silence you took to mean something:
Mean, run, sing
For alive you will evermore be
And the plague of the greasy black engines a-skulkin'
Has gone east
While you're left to explain them to me
Released from their hairless and blind cavalry

With your hands in your pockets, stubbily running
To where I'm unfresh, undressed and yawning
Well, what is this craziness? This crazy talking?
You caught some small death when you were sleepwalking

Dylan, Fitzgerald, these are the names one must use to draw comparisons.

Welcome to the world of Joanna Newsom. Welcome to Greatness.

Thank you Joanna.

Authors Note: This month it was going to be either Joanna or Mastodon. Joanna wins, but be sure to chk out Mastodon's new album, Blood Mountain. It's the best metal album in a long time......

Authors Note #2: Please find the songs linked in a word document on the box account. Box doesn't allow songs more than 10MB to be stored, and Joanna, being a badass, wont fit into this limitations. If you have problems downloading it, send me an e-mail, and I'll provide you with the appropriate link.

2006-10-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

Testing Testing

I'm writing this post with my new blogging software called ecto. It was a gift and I must say I prefer it to the blogger interface. Am I as big a computer geek as Angela for having this?

Anyway, besides testing this out to make sure I set it up properly, I also wanted to let you know that while I do have a busy week ahead of me, new music will be posted within the Fortnight.

We Will Meet Again

2006-10-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

So in between cataloguing my predilections for the Dirty Sanchex and saving my house, I've been awful busy. (that, and I've had time to fix/upgrade my computers)

However, this month we will visit a somewhat reclusive guitar stylist named Jon Crosby. At the age of 13, he was heralded as an up-and-coming guitar prodigy by Guitar Player magazine. He formed VAST (Visual Audio Sensory Theatre) three years later, with the title album released on Elektra in 1998. By his 23rd year, in 2000, he had produced his second studio offering - a magnificent creation entitled Music for People. Some speak of the 'sophomore slump' in their music reviews, others of their maturation. Crosby most assuredly is the latter.

Music for People is so named for its accessibility. Although VAST has not (yet) made it as a truly national act - nor does it seek to - the content draws roots from Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Ozzy Osbourne, and some Brian Transeau as well. Jon Crosby most likely wrote much of the album in contemplation of a painful breakup.

The opening track - The Last One Alive - sets a tone not only for the album, but for much of the music scene to follow. "Sweeping orchestral backdrops" had not yet come into sickening overuse in 2000, and we have VAST to thank for that, in part. This is one of my favorite tracks written by Crosby, however its placement as the album opener does not cause a musical premature ejaculation. (That is, the best track is the first) The music is uplifting - grandiose piano complemented by background strings; haunting, subtle bassline, familiar chord progressions - yet the lyrics are otherwise:

You left me high and dry it changed me
You lied to me now I am angry
And if the sun comes in your room
And awakens you from your vanity
You won't find me 'cause I'll be
On top a mountain pissing on your grave

Crosby takes time setting up the mood, drawing from Black Sabbath for the second track. Here we see his metal influence showing - I double-checked several times to ensure he didn't have a younger Ozzy overlaid on the vocal tracks. Again, he expresses his bitterness like so many young American males. He rocks out, proclaiming like a 16-year old in his new Camaro, that "you can't tell me what to do anymore." After I left my ex following a particularly nasty fight, I blasted this from car outside her window at midnight. Given that none of the neighbors complained or threw things at me, I took it as approval.

The album's intermezzo - Land of Shame - adopts a beat you can waltz to, with rock guitar interspersed, complimented by some of the best trombone I've heard on a rock album. If you like good trombone backups, you'll find Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Phat Phunktion, and Tower of Power high on my list. This is another one to add.

Coldplay, as far as I'm concerned, owes its cut-and-paste philosophy towards music to this entire album, particularly ninth track, Song Without a Name. Hard-charging piano, panoramic orchestrals, a background choir, and vocals that, admittedly, are sometimes hard to take seriously. Crosby occasionally chooses to shout, rather than sing, which does poor justice to his otherwise fine singing voice.

The album finishes with a quiet track, Lady of my Dreams. Appropriately, he tones things down to a lullaby. The scratch of a 33rpm LP slows us down, with classical guitar and violins to wind down after an album that may be interpreted as a marital feud.

I recommend this album particularly because Jon Crosby is a true student of music. He cares not for critical acclaim, national attention or money, hence his relative anonymity amongst the backdrop of the contemporary music scene. He quietly released a new album this year, after a three-year hiatus. After a thorough review of his discography over the summer, and in light of the study necessary for this review, I look forward to it eagerly.

======================

In the interests of supporting the artist directly, I recommend visiting his online store, because going through middlemen means paying The Man, which is always a pain in my ass.

Even more of a pain in the ass than putting a finger in there.

Damn I love making my videos.

Deep Thoughts From One Cool Cat

2006-09-30T16:28:00.000-07:00

today while I was walking past a bike co-op near my apartment I saw 2 children about 7 years old taking 7" records out of a patchwork hippie style bad that I would have brought with me to a Phish concert circa 1998 and throwing them against the wall of the co-op until the crashed to the ground in pieces. I would expect that from a bratty kid from Scarsdale (I never hurled it against the wall but I did destroy Big Bird Leads the Band), but not from from the children of hippies. I just think it is crazy that I used to have records when I was younger and CDs are nearly obsolete to today's youth.

Also, I'd like to pose a question. Architecture in Helsinki is opening for clap your hands say yeah in a couple of weeks. I had to miss Architecture in Helsinki last time they were around in the interest of earning my JD. I hear they put on a fantastic show, is it worth it for me to buy the ticket just for the opening act?

Welcome Blossom!!!!!!!

2006-09-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

Welcome to our newest member. May the warmth of the box forever comfort you in both times of peril and times of joy. We here approve of your taste and your satirical capabilities. Go forth and spread the joy of the Feldheim, but remember, many have already gotten a taste.

You have joined the elite of the elite, white smoke rises from the chimneys of heaven as this new day settles in. Look to the west young blossom and search your soul for answers to all thy questions.

Welcome, young blossom, you are officially a Feldheimian.

Date added: 09/30/06
Avatar: Blossom
Picture: See Above

Trend Set Match

2006-09-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

I have a new question/experiment.

Mardi Gras 2004: Three catch "shouts" were obnoxiously ubiquitous among the southern-party-elite: I'm Rick James Bitch!!!, OK!!!-WHAT?!?-YEAH!!, and I believe in a thing called LOVE!!! Two were blindly originated by Dave Chapelle's second season and the third by an English Rock band called The Darkness. When The Darkness hit the scene in early 2004 they were widely embraced, especially for the aforementioned song. It didn't matter if you were a hipster, a scenester, young, old, or just a 'normy' (my new derogatory term for a "normal," non elite, person... Please start spreading it) you liked that damn song. And it was cool to like that song because it reminded everyone of Queen/T. Rex/Cheap Trick, etc. Easy power chords, soaring falsetto, nonsensical lyrics about love, etc. all added up to make a perfect song. "OMG!" all of the normies would say, "It's like at first I thought that Frankie Mercury made another song that wasn't on my Greatest Hits CD, but then I remembered that he got the HIV and died, LOL!!! So he couldn't have made another song!" The jaded cynics (most likely part of some douchebag post rock band) would say that they were just ripping off the bands that had perfected the style in the mid-80's.

That got me thinking. No shit. Why wouldn't more of today's bands completely rip-off bands that had made a unique style for themselves? That might be a blasphemous line of thought to bring up among the Feldheim, the majority of whose members value "innovation," "redefining genres," and "pushing the boundaries" more than any other musical attributes. Sure, I agree. But 99% of today's musicians don't have the talent, vision, and style to reinvent the wheel... so why not just try to perfect and tweak the old ones. Now, within the past 6 years or so we have seen a plethora of new bands that rip-off older, established acts (think any "The" band). But, most of these bands they were imitating were never really that great, (at least according to most "normies") but were just a fad. Yes, today's musical knowledgeable still sweat The Smiths and The Cure and Joy Division and The Clash and Television Personalities, etc... but to the mainstream they were just flashes in the fad pan.

But everyone rips each other off. Today's acts rip off the older ones, the older classic rock guitar gods ripped off the jazz greats, the jazz greats ripped off both the blues greats and off classical, the blues greats ripped off Africa, etc. If you want to be a popular band, why wouldn't you just completely mimic the best pop acts ever: The Beatles (Oasis), Michael Jackson (Justin Timberlake), Led Zeppelin (Wolfmother)?

Lest I digress. The point being is that within the past 6 years, new music went through a revival of late 70's to mid 80's post-punk, new-wave, and glam-funk. MY QUESTION: WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT OLDER MUSICAL STYLE OR GROUP TO GO THROUGH A RESURGENCE IN CONTEMPORARY MUSIC?

In two years who will be re-idolized? Which older bands will it be suddenly cool to not have thrown out from your musical collection? Look into your crystal balls... where is music heading?

I personally think that the Sunset Strip acts (GNR, Poison, Quiet Riot, etc) will make a big comeback in the rock scene. I also see psychadelics making a comeback and in two years it may be really hip to re-break out your Grateful Dead 1977 tour shirt when going to your favorite Brooklyn dive. I foresee some douchy art-rock band being cheesy enough to rip off Devo (or another outlandish stage performance) and making a killing from it. Reggae sticks its nappy head into the music scene every few years - and we really haven't had any good bands since Sublime that utilized reggae well. Except Shaggy of course.

Anyway, let me know what you think. After we all have submitted our ideas... let's make an experiment out of forcing our opinions on the rest of the world. I guarantee that we can convince people that it was a big mistake to have thrown away their Ace of Base merchandise. Normies are dumb.

I Hung Out With Sonic Youth Last Night

2006-09-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

That's right Feldheimians, yours truly was backstage chillin with one of the most important bands of our generation. They played the Wiltern last night, and I got to go because I am the newly appointed Production Coordinator for Project Moonshine. That means I burn dvd's and sit and watch my former roommate Mike edit and say "yeah man, that right there, that right there is fucking sic."

More about Project Moonshine here.

Anyways, Project Moonshine is doing a documentary on Sonic Youth, and we were there to interview Kim Gordon, seen below. I sat on the floor in the corner while the interview moved along....it proved to be quite an interesting experience. Kim is very quiet, soft spoken, which you cant really assume from seeing their live performance.

Also got a chance to meet Thurston Moore, my personal favorite Sonic Youthian, and he was a cool guy, the only one of them that was truly animated backstage and onstage.

Anyways....the show was great, and they are great. They have a great sound, great tone, and really fucked up tunings. I could write a more in-depth review of this, but I know that I'm just going to talk to Ritter about it later on, and Angela is busy doing html.

All in all backstage at Sonic Youth is not as exciting as you would assume, and I'm sure it was very muchso lots cooler two decades ago. They are not intimidating, they are not gods, they are just normal people who figured out a sound and worked at it. That's all it is folks. You want to be a rock star? Figure out a sound, work on it. If your talented/disciplined enough, you will make it. That's the fucking equation, there's no need to buy a book.

Book's are for posers, cd's are for losers.......FLAC IS THE FUTURE.

LONG LIVE JAFAR!!!

It's That Time Again

2006-09-28T02:15:00.000-07:00

September, I think, was a good month for Feldheim.

Although we all knew it was inevitable, we had no idea how soon Feldheim facelift would occur.

Jafar has been posting like a madman.

DJ Ciltorati finally found her name.

Ritter has proven he does nothing all day.

But alas, we mourn the death of Woody. He will be sorely missed. Crap like "Clap Your Hands Say Yeah," however, will not. Perhaps if those asshats could sing or play their instruments, maybe.

Anyhoo, with Feldheim Day rapidly approaching, I'd like to hear some thoughts on White Pony Disc one, since the Feldheim has been mum on the topic. A furor was raised on the topic of double discs, but nearly nothing on the music itself. I must say, I'm getting into some of the indie stuff, but what do you hippies think of the metal? Not as Metal as you thought? writing it off as crap?

Wait, what?

What's that you say? you didn't even listen to it? well kiss my ass you hipster bastards. You are missing out on greatness.

Good thing we got a week and a bit until disc two drops.

Beck & Ass Kicking

2006-09-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

I want to kick Beck's ass.

I'm not sure what it is. I think if you are a scientologist and you get married and have a kid you turn lame. Well, Beck, put on a performance last night @ the element in Hollywood. About 500 people were there, one among them was I, representing Iran and everything that is cool in this town.

First off, here's Beck's wife:

Secondly, here's Beck:

Thirdly, here's Beck's kid:

Fourthly, i would like to state that I am a Beck fan. Particularly of Banjo Story, Midnite Vultures, Mutations, and Sea Change.

I think his new ish is realtively boring.

No stage presence, no charisma, no confidence. His band, while very talented musically, came of as LA hispters that I wanted to fight. Actually, the show sounded good, he sounded good, the band sounded good, but they were just annoying and the fact that Beck wasn't into it ruined it for me. The main thing was my feeling of animosity, personally, towards Beck, which is a rare thing for me......kinda.

The new songs have great moments, but it's a lot of the same guero crap..at least live.

I'm done wasting my time on this. Have a nice day.

Bollywood Gangsta Breakdown. Angela Claims to be The White Usher......well here is where Usha got dem moves frum!!!! ALLALALALALALALLALA

2006-09-25T15:08:00.000-07:00

Knife......OH YEAH!! Give me MORE KNIFE!!! OK!!! YEAH!!!

2006-09-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

Birdman

2006-09-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

The Birdman came to LA last night, and The Birdman proceeded to kick everyones ass. Andrew Bird is officially the fucking man. Lunchbox and I were witness to his tremendous talents and stood, mouths gaping at the birdman, while the hipsters around us "folded into themselves."

I just want to emphasize how ridiculous he is. If you haven't listened to his latest album, Andrew Bird & The Mysterious Production of Eggs, then you are ridiculous. It was Ritter's first album post.

So yes, go forth, listen, and definitely pay him a visit when he plays a town near you. Angela, I think he's hitting up Nairobi for a special Christmas show. So yeah, that's it.......just trust me on this one. If not, trust Ritter...he'll tell you the same thing but with better jokes.

These folks are much geekier than I

2006-09-21T01:05:00.000-07:00

I guess the great thing about and the problem with Feldheim is the jew factor. 4/3. Jesus.

Guess we didn't calculate those odds.

Thing is, Jews are inherently lazy.

But last.fm solves that.

It uploads your tracks automatically.

See?

Here's what I've bene listening to.

Is this the dying wish of the big red box? I hope not. But at least it doesn't take much effort.

Jafar Feldheim Nomination

2006-09-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

I would like to formally declare my first nomination for the Feldheim. I nominate David Louis Pomeranz to join our prestigious group.

What makes Dave so qualified to join Feldheim?

Dave went to Cornell.
Dave took Judo at Cornell.
Dave was valedictorian of his high school.
Dave climbs rocks.
Dave plays instruments.
Dave is an engineer.
Dave is currently applying to med school.
Dave has a marshall and a mesa.
Dave loves NIN.
In his free time, Dave makes rope from his chest hair, and knifes from the teeth of baby seals.
Dave played chess against Chuck Norris.
Dave has a Chuck Norris poster.
Dave is Chuck Norris.

Seriously though, you all know Dave, you all know how elitist Dave is/can be/maybe one day will be…..and his credentials back it up. Since we have a couple hotelies, a soon to be lawyer, and a Persian, I figured we would be more well rounded with an engineer that currently works in medicine. Dave researches cool diseases, which means he has new material for jokes. He is the ideal candidate for anything the Feldheim may become, as well as what it is today. We need some new blood, and last I checked Dav’s T-Cell count was strong.

Strong like bull.

Niiiice!!

Feldheim2.0

2006-09-18T05:42:00.000-07:00

When I began the site, I admittedly ripped off Daring Fireball.

I was going for sheer simplicity, and simplicity I achieved.

However, there were voiced concerns over reaching the archives. I had assumed that the ephemeral nature of Feldheim mandated a look to the future only.

Nah, that's bullshit.

I just didn't like the cluttered look.

But it's growing on me.

So how do you like the changes?

With this change shall we bring along more? Like more members?

The new Logo?

Feed me feedback.

First Guest Feldheim Post

2006-09-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

Saw this on TinyMixTapes and wanted to share. It's posted by can:

Steve Irwin, I Wish You Could Have Seen This: Animal Collective Tour Australia

This is your brain:

Why has everyone started to like all my favorite bands? Is it because they're too "accessible"? Are their T-shirts that cool? Were they on some magazine cover? Are they on the internet? Am I out of the loop? Shitttttttttt. Maybe I should trade in these Converse for some more obscure shoes. Like some skater shoes. Yeahhhh... And maybe I'll sell this band shirt for some sweet used shirt. Or something striped. And tight. Maybe flannel. Shit, my parents didn't give me enough money for clothes AND records this week. Fuck. God I love fist-pumping. I'm so hardcore. Feedback gets me off. Noise better not go anymore mainstream or I'll have to start listening to silence again. Or those '50s girl-pop bands. I can't stand going to a huge venue for a band that I knew about when they were still playing five-dollar clubs. Fuck them for not coming to my hometown. Promotion for shows is lame. Touring sucks. Recording is so passé. DIY man. It's the postmodern no-wave. Since when are shows fashion shows? I don't think about what I'm going to wear for when I go out. I just pick whatever filthy, ragged, inconspicuous, random-ass piece of clothing with holes in it to wear because I'm lazy. I wish my parents would give me more fucking money.

This is your brain on drugs:

Dude, since when do people in Australia listen to Animal Collective? What's that about the toilets there? You see different stars, you say? The winter is in the summer? The moon is on its side? 18+ shows?! What the fuckkkkkkkk? Come back to America, Animals, where the grass is green and the ladies fair. Where crickets chirp late and people won't stare.

Stop bringing your camera to shows:

11.03.06 – Brisbane, Australia – The Zoo (18+)
11.04.06 – Sydney Australia – Newtown (18+)
11.06.06 – Melbourne, Australia – The Corner Hotel (18+)
11.08.06 – Auckland, New Zealand – Kings Arm
11.09.06 – Wellington, New Zealand – Indigo Bar

A movie -- but there's singing

2006-09-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

Check out this trailer: http://www.catass.com/toonces/toonces7.jpg
Thought provoking to say the least. But also funny to me because they've adapted a cheer we used ot sing at jewish kid summer camp and they substitute the word Jesus for spirit.

Banksy and Paris

2006-09-11T02:45:00.000-07:00

I think this has a bit to do with music. However, it's more to do with reliving college, mostly so we can remember egging and homer simpson.

Oh. And to boost my technorati ranking.

Pathetic, I know. But I think it's a good read

Banksy, Homer, and Paris

Take It Back Angela....Take It Back Twice

2006-09-10T23:31:00.000-07:00

Angela recently proclaimed:

"Basically anything can happen to group over the course of its existence. I think, though, the the thing that's agreeable is whenever a double disc is released, down the tubes the band goes."

Well, I beg to differ. Although (s)he raises some valid points and some valid examples - this is not always the case. Sure, a double disc does take a lot out of a band - it is a very significant amount of pressure, and quite a feat.

In this day and age the doube disc is a rarity. Reserved more for live albums, record companies frown on the double album. Why sell a double album, when we can sell two albums 6 months apart and make more cash money. Margins baby!!

System of a Down, (whom I love), released their last two albums six months apart. It should have been a double album.

Kid A and Amnesiac, also released within a year.......and recorded during the same time.......well, should it have been a double album?

Kid A is probably my favorite album of all time, but man, that would have been quite a thing if it were a double album. At the same time, I don't know if it would of had the same effect. I always thought Capitol wouldn't allow it.

Moving on......let me address the first artist to ever release a double album.

Blonde on Blonde. Dylan goes electric, Dylan pisses off everyone, Dylan is Dylan. Released in 1966 - Dylan came out swinging. Needless to say that Dylan's career has not gone down the tube, as he has recently topped the charts with Modern Times. Plus, Hard Rain and Desire both came out in 1976.

Ok, not good enough?

What about I throw some Zappa action your way.....yeah, that guy who wrote over 60 albums in his lifetime.

Freak Out! - Arguably the first double album that is also a concept album. Seeing how his first album is a double album, I don't think I need to provide any more evidence.

I think that a double album takes a lot out of a band, like the white album did with the beatles...but keep in mind that Abbey Road and Yellow Submarine came out after The White Album. Also, notable mention, the White Album was the first double album to ever hit #1 on the charts.

Pop Quiz, can anyone here name the first Triple Album released? Scroll Down for the answer.....

All Things Must Pass by George Harrison

Also, this album is right up there with any other Beatles solo work. I would go so far as to call it a masterpiece.

So yes and no. Double albums can be the downfall of many a great band. It could be the last hurrah, it could be the 12th round knockout, but it could also be the exact opposite. There are few certainties in music.

Plus, Miles Davis released four double albums in five years. But yeah, three of those were live albums. I'm pretty sure he even recorded two double discs in one day.

That's 4 discs in 24 hours for all you hotelies.

Feldheim Debate Via Video

2006-09-10T01:40:00.000-07:00

Besides the utter brilliance of what is being achieved here, there lies a greater question. Has the evolution of dance been a positive one? Witnessing white kids shake their moneymaker at Cornell was bad enough, until Ritter and I visited the Circle Bar last night. When was the greatest period of dance? Is dance dead? Is dance doomed?

Crush!!

I'll Cut You So Bad....You'll Wish.....You'll Wish I Didn't Cut You So Bad

2006-09-09T23:06:00.000-07:00

The Knife. Or.....Tha Knife for those of you who are "In the know." (Or should I say..."In Tha Know").

Who is The Knife? Well, let the Feldheim spit some knowledge on your face. See, if someone were to spit on the faces of Karin Dreijer Andersson and Olof Dreijer they wouldn't really care, because they tend to wear masks. Cool masks though, fucking superkewl masks.....I wonder if that goes hand in hand with being Swedish.

This brother sister duo has been pumping out electronic hits since 1999, and well, they've only gotten better as time has progressed. Sweden, in essence, has been progressing rather nicely since 1999. It's a country that I respect simply because I love Swedish bands. It all started with Refused. If any of you haven't listened to The Shape Of Punk To Come, well, then you simply haven't listened to one of the most poignant and significant albums of the past 30 years. That once in a lifetime album changed everything for me, and for that, I salute the Swedes. I also salute the Icelandic bands. Why? Cuz their badass. Any country that spits out Artists like Sigur Ros and Bjork demands respect. Throw in one of my favorite authors of all time, Halldór Kiljan Laxness, and well fuck - I salute you. Lunchbox...I've been waiting for you to ask me to rank the top 5 countries for their musical contributions to the world (minus USA and GB)

Getting back to The Knife....well, their awesome. Their music is awesome and they are awesome. Oh, what?, substantiate my statement? Well, how's this for awesome: When they won the grammi for best pop group of 2003 - instead of attending themselves, they had their buddies in another band dress up as gorillas and go. Who would have thought that our own Angela and Biff would unkowingly incorporate a gorilla into a live act one year later?? Is there a common thread of awesomeness here?

What? Not good enough? Well here. This video kicks ass, in a kick ass kind of way. Some of you may know this song from fellow Swedish musician Jose Gonzalez's cover.

Anyways, the knife are awesome, I can't wait to see them live in November, they have incredible beats, they build great sonic landscapes, and they are just so cool it makes me tingle inside. Props to the Swedes, and props to the beats. It's great driving music. Angela, speaking of driving......how fast do those elephants go, and how often do you have to pull over to the side of the highlands for them to take, well, elephant sized dumps? My last point:

The Knife are elephant sized dumps of goodness that will saturate your brain and electronically lubricate your neurons and synapses with awesomeness of the 8th dimension. Listen to it, bath in it, love it, live it, drive it, smack it, lick it, touch it, glow under it, pull it, grab it, and FEEL IT.

Calling All Feldheimers -- I need your creative input

2006-09-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't think it was possible for Toonces to get any cooler wait to you hear this. I'm the new host of Trivia Night (which I think I'm going to call quiz night to pay tribute to the Brits) at my favorite Bar in Minneapolis -- proof that networking pays off. So now what I need is a DJ name (I'd like to do better than the obvious DJ Toonz) sooner than I thought I would and all the pressure has resulted in a creative block and I've got nothing. A plethera of monickers, yet none seem quite right. I think It's because a nickname isn't really omething you can give yourself, but instead must evolve from your interactions among friends.

So fellow feldheim members I implore you (although I'm not sure that's really the proper use of the word as I'm not looking for mercy() HELP ME FIND MY DJ NAME! It is my destiny! The best ones in my opinion arise out of mockery so be ruthless if you must.

Holy Mackerel: Skeet Spirit

2006-09-06T06:54:00.000-07:00

It was more than 4 months ago that I emailed you all on that fateful day suggesting something silly; something as juvenile as rekindling out college days.

It was then Don Ritter who fired back immediately with delusions of grandeur and the idea that ultimately become what we know and love as the Big Red Box.

We have come a long way, Feldheim. I think we had Six albums this week, if only from three members.

So what.

Here's the point: Between the Jon Spencer (J-Spence?) Blues Explosion, 60's female Artists, and Deftones, We've accomplished what we set out to. It's funny that this same week a musical accomplishment of near equal stature has been reached:

Ladies and gentlemen I give you the illustrous, the incredible, the inevitable:

You can access the tracks here, and bask in their wonderment on your own time.

Congratulations on making it this far.

Grab Bag

2006-09-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

I think that the term "Genre-Defying" has become so overused in modern music writing to the point where it has been rendered relatively meaningless. Aristotle, here used as the fountainhead of Ancient Greek philosophy and ingenuity, decreed that the world must be organized, and it is essentially one of the strives of human nature to attempt to classify our world. Since then, humans have struggled to group, organize, separate, and distinguish between various sets and subsets of our world.

Music has been no exception. We simply love defining genres of music, as music defines who we are people. I like rock and roll, I like hip-hop, I like R&B, etc. What is funny to me, is how non-disciplined we are in our levels of classification. The style of "classical music" has spanned four centuries, several continents, and countless technological and stylistic changes. Nevertheless, we tend to ignore the drastic differences (baroque, romantic, chamber, concerto, etc.) and tend to to group everything as simply "classical." Conversely, we pick apart modern music to the point where simply having an electronic snare drum (as opposed to an organic one) can be the difference between alt-country and rockabilly. At this point, most Americans classify ALL music that is indigenous to a foreign country as "world music." However, we have a tough time determining if something is post-punk, electroclash, lo-fi, shoegaze, noise rock, or math rock; depending upon what New York City borough originated the music.

Anyway, I had originally wanted to write that the albums I am putting up are genre-defying, but after realizing the ridiculousness of that notion, just decided to put up a few of my favorite albums that meld different established musical styles.

"Acme," by The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. I imagine that Jon Spencer suffered from G-Love Syndrome. There is no reason that G-Love shouldn't have been the biggest thing in music. Soulful white guy from Philly - blending blues and hip hop (hell he helped discover Jack Johnson). Why would he not get due respect outside of white suburbanites, and yet Beck comes to define the late 90's with "Odelay?" Anyway, I listened to Jon Spencer in high-school and still like him today. He is a blues artist at heart, that often uses hip-hop beats, punk riffs, etc. to create a big mish-mash of fun music. The songwriting on this 1999 album is ok, and if anything I am more curious to see who here had known of him before (as my group of friends in high school loved this guy).

"Thank you For Giving Me Your Valuable Time," by Kaada. John Kaada is a Norwegian DJ who is probably best known for collaborating with Mike Patton. He is a DJ in the sampling, cut-n-paste sense who has a hard-on for old Americana. For whatever reason I have read several comparisons between him and Yann Tiersen (the French composer who did that piano song from Amelie) which I don't really see. If anything, I see him as more cohesive than the Real Tuesday Weld and more fun than the Cinematic Orchestra (if you don't know these bands let me know and I will put them up). This 2001 album is fun.

"Sleep" by DJ Olive. A one song CD that I never actually listened to all the way through. DJ Olive is a Brookyln based sampling artist who made this CD specifically as a sleeping aid. Therefore, I find that quite ironic that at a musician puts in so much time and effort to create a piece that (if he succeeds in his art) is not meant to be listened to. Weird. Anyway, it's ambient and it helps me sleep. I am putting this up here if anyone else needs something to help them sleep.

Enjoy. Let me know what you think. Happy Labor Day!

Comic relief - in case you feel like raving

2006-09-03T16:44:00.000-07:00

Apologies for missing the month of august, but it being the first sunday of september I'm posting right on time and present you with two albums.

The first: a compilation CD entitled Female Artists of the 60s. On the one hand yes I thought it would be kind of funny, but yesterday I saw a play entitled "The Real Thing" that started to make me think a bit about what it was the inspired the Feldheim in the first place: snobbery and elitism. The play is set in the early 80s and a subplot in the play involves the protagonist having to come up with his 8 all time great songs he would take with him to a desert island. The protagonist is a playwright, considers himself to be an intellectual and is embarrassed by the fact the music he loves is pop music from his youth, the same era as the songs on this album. He's embarrassed because he thinks that he should like more serious music instead. "Oldies" have always been a bit if a guilty pleasure of mine. Growing up I was always listen to them because my dad would play them in the car and it just kind of stuck. So I post female artists of the 60s curious as to what you all think. Do you respect this music? Do you think enjoying it is comparable to taking pleasure in the musical stylings of today's pop princesses? Or does it simply need to be restricted to certain settings like the soundtracks of formulaic big budget romantic comedies? I don't have a problem reconciling my enjoyment of the songs on this album with calling myself part of the listening elite. In fact I would go so far as to say that it's the diversity of genres in my musical collection which in part elevates me into that category.

Moving on: I've also posted DJ Baby Anne's Dark Side of the Boom. I like to listen to this album when I'm studying or walking or cooking, it's probably also good for driving. But really this album was most likely not designed to provide a backdrop to any of those activities but instead for some serious rocking out. She also falls into the category of "a chick with turntables" and if I'm not mistaken a couple of your comments to a previous post of mine indicated that you think that's really hot.

A Great Social Experiment: The Enigma that is the Double Disc

2006-09-02T08:11:00.000-07:00

Any band that has put out a number of albums peaks at some point. Some bands hit big and fade out much like the Spin Doctors or the Gin Blossoms. Both bands have new albums out. Both with 'hot' new singles.

Right.

But some bands build up years and years only to hit their stride a couple albums in like Korn, or Blink 182.

Of course some bands can hit big and return years later like Green Day or Weezer.

Basically anything can happen to group over the course of its existence. I think, though, the the thing that's agreeable is whenever a double disc is released, down the tubes the band goes.

The Beatles, the White Album
The Smashing Pumpkins, Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness
Pink Floyd, The Wall
Led Zeppeling, Physical Grafitti
Oukast, Speakerboxxx/The Love Below
Nine Inch Nails, The Fragile

What will happen to Outkast and Nine Inch Nails has yet to be seen. Each has only released one album since their monumental two-fers. However, if the doublewhammies before them are any indication, we can kiss them both good bye.

I think the double album itself deserves some addressing in a forumlike the Feldheim. What is the nature of the double album itself. why has it been slowly diminishing in our culture? I would think, perhaps, that the album itself is a hard enough sell these days, let alone a two in one. Besides, weren't these double albums just a regular albums' worth of tunage stuffed with filler to make 28 tracks? We'll leave it to the comments...

Well, Deftones never put out a double album, but White Pony came in a couple versions, and the one of the first singles was a B-side, not even on the originally released album. Whoa. History repeats itself again.

Deftones, as well, has only released one album since White Pony, as their front man has entangled himself in the side project Team Sleep. But, I think, much like the aforementioned dueces, what they do after White Pony doesn't matter. For with this album, they single-handedly changed the face of rock, and killed the abhorrent "nu-metal" movement.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Angela thinks metal is the greatest music since ragtime."

Of course that's what I think. And I think you hippie-haired, pot smoking, converse-wearing, blazer-n-jeans sporting hipster scum like metal and just don't know it. Yeah, The Kinks?: You Really Got Me. Ray Davies cut the cone of the speaker in his amp to get that crunch for which suburban kids these days (including myself) just buy a pedal. I know you like the song. I think it's a precursor to metal.

And how can we forget AC/DC. And they rock. You probably even have a vintage AC/DC t-shirt.

Watch out. Back to the Beatles: Twist and Shout. A bunch of white guys yelling over repeated power chords. Who doesn't like that song? Go ahead and try to tell me there's anyone alive who doesn't love it. Ferris fuckin Bueller sang it.

He's the epitome of likeability.

Thanks to him,leopard-print vests weren't just for queers and waspy urbanite women any longer!

But back to the matter at hand. If double discs are chock full of filler, what if we took a single album of qual breadth and depth, and split it up? What if...

2I want you to listen to White Pony like it was a double disc. We have iTunes, we can do this.

Disc One:
Digital Bath
Rx Queen
Teenager
Knife Prty
Change (In the House of Flies)
Pink Maggit

Disc Two:
Feiticeira
Elite
Street Carp
Korea
Passenger
Back to School

Listen to Disc one.

Listen to it.

Listen to it like I told it was the album: 'For All We've Known and Left,' by a band called The Nova Canes. Listen to it like it hasn't yet been released.

Since I'm in the third world, and bandwidth is sparse, I will only post disc number one this month. Listen to it. Listen to it for a month. I guarantee you will not believe your ears when you hear disc two as a juxtaposition.

The vocals of Chino Moreno (who counts morissey, Rivers Cuomo, Robert Smith and David Gahan among his inspirations)are all slightly sharp and seemingly fuzzy, like he's whispering even when he's hitting a high B flat. The percussion is stripped down and organic, yet elaborate and syncopated. The guitar is sparse enough to let the ambient sound shine through, but at times blends in to become one with the white sound, methodically, and melodically assimilating into one being.

Digital Bath is an opus drunken revelry in the self. instruments don't define themselves in this track, so much as they make love to one another.

Rx Queen with it's intoxicating beat, forlorn love overtones, and longing lyrics like "you're my girl and that's alright/if you stay I won't mind," paints a aural picture that would sustain itself without the power chords, but only supports their use further, rather than paradoxically contrasting.

Radiohead wishes they wrote Teenager. It makes you want to close your eyes and dissect the distinct parts of the noise into each one's own respective being.

You start to get a taste for the rock from Knife Prty, but the fact that you can hear snare and crash cymbals clearly through the distortion, ultimately erupting with amazing vocals from an unknown named Rodleen.

Change is metal. It is driving, head banging, chant a long metal. But it is so somber it deserves to be disc one material.

Pink Maggit is the anticlimax of the faux first and the actual album. The jam is so patient, once you know the kick you want it more than that next drag/drink/hit/rush/fuck/slap.

Oh yeah.

Remember you fuckers wanted one album/week.

Lemme know your take.

New Avatar for Biff

2006-08-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

In honor of Biffs most recent Jazzy post to the Feldheim I offer a new avatar for him:
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you:

Jason Bratman.

Wu Orleans

2006-08-29T05:11:00.000-07:00

Another mash up for you crazy kids, Wu Orleans is Wu-tang tracks mixed with Dixie Jazz. I must agree with Boing Boing, When the Meth Comes Marching in is quite a treat.

Surely one of has to be pissed that I keep giving mash ups valuable Feldheim space. This is better than the crap hip hop on BET. Handguns make me horny. Oprah's a bitch. John F. Kennedy deserved to get shot. Someone? Anyone? Is anybody even reading this?

First time long time

2006-08-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

I finally rescued my computer from the depths of my parent's basement and once again have access to my music. In retribution for my absence from the Feldheim I have posted three albums:

Jazz guitar greats:
Midnight Blue - Kenny Burell
Sweet Dreams - Grant Green

One of the few new albums I purchased last year, some of you might have it, if you don't, you should:
Diamche A Bamako - Amadou & Mariam

Biff

New Post Coming Soon

2006-08-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

So i spent the begining of the month celebrating my new job offer then it was off to iceland where I met a photographer who is friends with sigur ros (You can view some of his photos here) Then it was off to the UK where inaddition to buying my first record and nearly floating away on fish and chips i saw this swedish group live reaffirming my belief that all things Norse are superior. So I appologise for not posting sooner, but now that I'm back I promise another post real soon. In the meantime I highly recommend Reyjavik as your next vacation destination.

djay

2006-08-22T00:00:00.001-07:00

"groundbreaking" may not be the words I would have chosen to describe the software, but cool sure as hell is. It's simple fun, and does exactly what it's supposed to do. iTunes integration makes the software easy and intuitive. The work of students in munich, this is surely a boon to any music minded mac user.

Toonces, looks like it's time to switch....

What are your thoughts Feldheim macheads?

And all of you: where are your posts?

I'm in a developing naiton on another continent and I'm still posting!

Baby, Hold on to 'heim

2006-08-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

Oh No You Di-ihnt!

Yes; That, my friends, is street talk for 'didn't,' a negative contraction. It is your predicted and inevitable reaction to the utter brilliance of my Feldheim post. My preemptive answer to your purported retort is:

Yes, in fact, I did.

An old favorite since high school, Hed PE just released a new album: Back to Base X. Basics. I wanted to heed the call of hed and follow their lead of retuning to what made us. Now I'm infamously a Metal Head. Yes I can appreciate classic rock and the occasionally debateably indie disc. But few metal heads are born metal heads. Yes, in 4th and 5th grade I listened to MC Hammer and Arrested Development like the rest of us.

But even before that, I am not ashamed to admit, it was pop. B104, the local FM pop station, that played Cutting Crew and En Vogue was what raised me. So I am posting Sound of Money, the greatest hits of Eddie Money.

Fuck you all, I love it.

Eddie Money is about as uncool as they get. Even more uncool than using the word uncool. I mean at least Rod Stewart had the Faces. Phil Collins had Genesis and somehowk new his entire career path was destined to mirror Peter Gabriel, only with greater mediocrity. Hell, Kenny G performed with Barry white early in His career.

But I don’t think there’s a person alive who has ever said, "Eddie Money? Nah just his old stuff…" Maybe Eddie never got a hit to break into the top ten. Tom Cochrane got into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame, but that's like saying you scaled the highest mountain in Wisconsin. I like Life is a Highway, but what else has he accomplished besides having ridiculous hair?

To his credit, Eddie Money is only one step up from Richard Marx, whose douchebagginess far exceeds the levels of most American Idol contestants. However, Richard Marx is actually a hermaphrodite.

It’s a fact.

I mean you did just read it on the internet…..

So whereas as most late 80's/90's frontmen of pop were crap, Eddie Money is grouped along with the bunch. But he had four hits: Baby Hold on to Me, Take me Home Tonight, Two Tickets to Paradise, and Take me home tonight. Phil Collins? Name on phil Collins song besides Sudio. You can’t. Baby Hold On to me is a lover’s song. But a great one. Dave Grohl covered it on Conan. So? Defy this logic:

Dave Grohl was in Nirvana.
Dave Grohl can play guitar AND drums.
Elton John Sang Tiny Dancer.
Tiny Dancer is regarded as a great song.
Dave Grohl Covered 'Tiny Dancer' on Conan.
Coincidence?
No.

Despite how sexy Baby Hold on to Me happens to be, the undeniably brilliant hook of Take Me Home Tonight and Two Tickets to Paradise are the sounds to which many virginities were lost in station wagons. At least I think they're about sex. Cause, you know, I haven’t exactly, uh, been….with, you know……a lady.

Still, If you find a song that has the sexiness of these two combined with chantability, inform me, for I think it not possibility. Here I Go Again is about masturbation. Living on a Prayer is a song about a guy named Tommy who used to work on the docks.

Not sexy.

So if you believe there are sexier chant songs out there, throw em in the comments. Then Check out Eddie’s greatest hits. And rock out with a hairsprayed babe while you’re at it.

Fill the Chuck Out

2006-08-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

Ok. I was in scotland the past week, on a penninsula reachable only by boat and having flaming glass of drambuie stuck to my bum. The week before that I drove 3000 miles in just under 72 hours. Please note, 18 of those hours were spent in south dakota. The week beofre that, i went skydiving.

All this, as well as preparation for and interfuckingcontinental move has prevented me from posting to feldheim.

I will ahve a post ready by the end of this week

What's your excuse?

Feldheim?

2006-08-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

CHK CHK CHK CHK CHK IT OUUUUTTTT!!

2006-08-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

Oh Mighty Feldheim, where are thouh donest to thy bretheren?

Where have they followers lingerd into dusky dawns?

To keep this Indie thing going……between the four of us at least…….I am posting an Indie record from an Indie band. Angela earlier alluded to the varieties of the interpretations of Indie. Well, here’s one of them.

Califone.

An amazing band. An Indie band.

Let me know what you think.

Long Live The (This) Feldheim!

I think this is appropriate for Feldheim

2006-07-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

So since the indie debacle will almost surely go unresloved, I've decided it be time for more pirate speak.

Yar.

Because Pirate speak is a creole, is it not? A creole is a mother toungue formed from the contact of two languages through an earlier pidgin stage. A combination of cultures collided in the caribbean resulting in a unique manner of speaking that made for great homoerotic movie fodder.

But there are other creole languages. africaans, yiddish, Eastern PA Puerto Rican, and cajun!

Even in food, creole cuisines erupted in the 90's under the guise of 'fusion:' Mexican Spring Rolls, chinese chicken salads, wasabi mashed potatoes, and barbecue chicken pizza. I know, I was shocked when I discovered that Ghengis Khan didn't eat salads with chicken and canned mandarin orange slices.

We do know for sure, however, that he liked twinkies.

I am more concerned, of course with Creole music. Not Zydeco (although playing spoons is great), but the new trend that is the combination of two fairly disparate forms of music: The irreverent, the infamous: Mash-up.

I think it all really began with hip-hop sampling. 'California Love' is Joe Cocker's 'Women to Women.' Fatboy Slim's Weapon of choice is Sly and the Family Stone's 'Into My Own.' These are only two examples, but each new song sampled a fairly obscure track. For eaxample, Crazy Town's 'Butterfly' is just a rip off from 16 seconds of the Chili Pepper's 'Pretty Little Diddy.'

But these are all relatively obscure. It's not like any one sampled the intro to Queen's 'Under Pressure,' right?

But i think it all changed in the late 90's. Even though he looks and dances like a he has hydrocephalus, Puff Daddy* managed to make a hit out of a Police song, not just sampling the bass line, or the beat, but the chorus as well. Sting even endorsed the desecration of his biggest hit by appearing with the empresario at 1997 MTV Music Awards.

Fast forward to 2004, when DJ Danger Mouse made waves releasing the Grey Album, an expertly mixed disc combining The Beatles' White album with Jay Z's Black album. Was it good? It didn't really matter because of the ground breaking, law bending nature of the release.

I would go so far as to say that Danger Mouse invented the mash up. He took an old classic, and interwined with a new classic and made something entirely new.

Which is why I would like to direct you, the Feldheim Seven, to Gnotorious Biggie. It's of course Gnarls Barkley^ and Biggie Smalls all mashed up.

It's fairly well done. Somewht like Biff; but he's a well done fairy. But to the matter at hand: Problem is, the tracks seems to be just a Biggie rhymes and Gnarls beats. Does it count as orignal? What's your take? Is this even a legitimate form of music?

Talk, you crazy talkers.

Talk.

*do you think his friends have started calling him Diddy? how many names can one man have? I expect you all to refer to me as "conquistador angela" from this point forward. Doesn't it just roll off your tongue?

^For the Record, the Kooks covered 'Crazy in March.' This only makes them cooler.

Just incase I don't pass the bar exam on the 3rd try

2006-07-16T20:22:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of marking the begining of my career as a DJ with the purchase of the IDJ2

what do you all think of me going the digital rout? I'm conflicted because while less authentic, despite this summer's job I'm not exactly in the position to invest 2 grand in a mixer and tables, and then go onto get a record collection. Thus it seems like a good place to start.

VOTE NOW!!!

2006-07-14T15:05:00.000-07:00

ANGELA LANSBURY HOW DARE YOU.....YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THY BLASPHEMY

2006-07-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

Pearl Jam a one-hit wonder?

and...............

"though not conclusive from Ritter's rant, I got the idea that indie, as a rule, generally sucks."

Hmmmmmmmm.......I have a suggestion.........stop sucking Satans cock and come back to earth you corporate whore.

That's right, now you went and pissed me off. We all knew the Feldheim was ugly, so I guess this is inevitable. You, Lunchbox, and your theories. That's right bitches, I'm bringing some Jacksonian Checks and Balances for your Phalanx's.

Pearl Jam a one hit wonder?

Fuck that........I know you dont believe it. Then you point to Trustkill records? Stop smoking shitty weed old lady. Trustkill is an ultimate DIY label, it just makes crappy hardcore emo music, so it doesn't produce "indie music." Sure they had some decent bands, but then they decided to suck satans cock when Sony approached them. That's right, SONY. One reason they are not indie.

But back to this Pearl Jam a one hit wonder shit, and it is shit, which your whole post is full of. Pearl jam is actually the antithesis of a one hit wonder, as they were able to put out four albums that were full of hits. Commercially and in the indie world. Do you own Yield, No Code, Vitology, TEN?????? DO YOU JDUBZ? DO YOU FOR GODS SAKE?

I demand a retraction of this one hit wonder nonsense. And what was that one hit? Jeremy? Alive? Why not give some respect when it's due?

And then you go on to bash Paw Tracks? One of "Indies" most heralded labels? Do you know what Avey went through to get that label where it is? I agree, some of this hipster music is garbage, but man, Animal Collective is one of the greatest bands ever. EVER. I don't care if you disagree, all of you......I'll take you to town with this one.

So don't diss Avey and don't diss Paw Tracks........I'll come to Africa and stick a bamboo stick where the sun don't shine. I'll make the Constant Gardener look like a G movie SON.

Regarding the whole Indie thing.......well, I think there really is no more indie. Indie doesn't exist. Pavement were indie, because the time was right. Animal Collective makes a shitload of money, they are not indie in a classical sense. With the age of Reason, Cubase, MySpace, and Internet, anyone with the talent can write a hit album. Go sign to Paw Tracks and release an album that sells 100,000 copies, you'll make some great cash.

Networks exist that allow "indie" artists to do well financially and not live out of an RV.

Shit, look at the history of Matador records, the "indie" gem.

Look at Drag City.

Indie is the new Corporate, and Corporate is the old satan.

You say ".... that indie, as a rule, generally sucks."

I say that the opposite is true. Corporations, as a rule, generally suck. McDonalds, BP, Procter & Gamble......have they done more good or bad? Think about it.

Indie becomes Corporate, it is the nature of a Market Economy. If you're good enough at something then eventually you will grow. Their are corporate gems that started off Indie, like Whole Foods, that have stuck with their values, but overall, fuck Corporate, I'm all about Indie.

And JDUBZ, are you over Jersey Hardcore yet, or are you still stuck in 8th grade?

That's right, I went there.

Is this a three man blog? Where you homies at?

LONG LIVE JAFAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ritter demanded that this be posted

2006-07-07T15:21:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the significance of this clip is to elitist music discussion, but Ritter knows funny like Lindsay Lohan knows coke.

Is There Any Indie that Doesn't Suck?

2006-07-06T17:35:00.000-07:00

I am posting in accordance with this month's theme, to which no one has paid any attention. Indie that Doesn't Suck was meant to bring the Feldheim Seven together as a unified force to spread decent music. So screw you all.

Yet, as I made my choice for the impending Feldheim submission, I was plagued by the unanswered questions raised in a previous rant by the venerable Ritter. Although not conclusive from Ritter's rant, I got the idea that indie, as a rule, generally sucks. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Indie films usually are crap. In fact, indie films blow more than drunken sorority sister trying desperately to be accepted in the Wolfian neo-sexual revolution, but at the time time saving her love-hole for what will ultimately be an unhappy marriage riddled with difficult, awkward, holidays and infrequent, but scheduled copulation on anniversaries.

only missionary.

lights off always.

Taking this analogy one step further would mean that indie films like sodomy.

Which they do.

But I digress.

Independents of all kinds are shitty. Would you buy an independent car? Or what about a cell phone from an independent carrier? T-mobile's bad enough.

What about independent travel agents? Crap: "Oh sure, we got a you a great deal on a flight to Thailand, but you can't earn Frequent Flyer miles. Sorry we didn't tell you that when you booked. Oh, you're premiere executive 50K? Whoop-dee-shit. My name is Natascha. Yeah, that's three consonants in a row. I barely speak english."

Independent book shops and record stores are fun, and make you feel warm inside, like getting a lap dance from a Ukranian girl working to get her citizenship. But at the end of the day, trying to find that Palahniuk novel or Pantera disc at the resepective locales will be more difficult than trying to explain how that 'no touching' rule doesn't apply to you.

Despite the generally crappy indie products, some light shines through. The Offspring's Smash sold 8 million copies, the most units ever by an artist on an idependent label. "But they're not indie, are they?" cry the hipsters. "They're punk. Now they're pop punk. Meeeaaah."

Indie has pervaded pop culture enough to become a style of its own, a new alternative, punk, or pop. Alternative, was so called because the music offered an (insert Ace Ventura dramatic head nod here) Alternative to the radio friendly pop of the early nineties: Everybody dance now! Dunh. Dunh, dunh, dunh dunh....

That and it sounded better than post modernism.

But alternative began to encompass everything from REM to Soundgarden and one-hit wonders like Soul Asylum and Pearl Jam. Yeah, that's right. Pearl Jam; one hit wonder. You gonna cry about it? Alternative became a style, a mode of dress, and Puerto Rican girls in spandex would ask kids if they were alternative, much like jocks asking punks the same question in the 80's movies.

The problem was that punk, alternative, or even postmodern are nebulous, somewhat indefinable terms. Indie, of course has roots in the word independent, but gay has its roots happy.

If a kid with down syndrome recorded himself shrieking after shocking himself by chewing through the wires on plugged in lamps, dubbed over it with the errant clicks and whooshes of a driving range, added haphazard Reason beats, and released it on Paw Tracks idiots wearing tight jeans and chuck taylors from Alphabet City to San Francisco would gladly turn over their parents' hard earned cash for a copy on iTunes^. Cause he's retarded or something. Now that's indie!

Isn't it?

But somehow a hardworking band form new jersey on trustkill is not indie. Why? becasue they have distored guitars? Vocals that are on key? Because a certain 80-year-old woman would (has) buy (bought) their disc? The Offspring proved that a band can be on a independent label and not be indie, but can a band be on EMI and still be indie?

Point is, the Kooks can be indie and still be on Virgin Records*. Being indie is not about street cred, or even atonality, and is as much about independence as homosexualtiy is about happiness. I mean look at Biff? He's fa-lamingly gay and so unhappy he can't even bring himself to post to Feldheim! Sure, to some indie means more about finding a band that no one's ever heard of so you can go to abar with no sign so people you don't know can be impressed.

Indie is a style and I think the Kooks have fucking got it. The music market is inundated with new rock from across the pond, The British invasion part "towe," as I call it. Franz Ferdinand and the Arcitic Monkeys have hit our shores and the public wants more. However, the comparisons between these bands and the kooks ends at their nation of origin. The Monkeys...

Not these Monkees...

Not these monkeys...

Ahh, these Monkeys supposedly didn't know how to play their instruments a year ago. And Franz is well on it's way to being a one hit wonder stateside despite the great ritardondo in Take Me Out.

The Kooks will ease the pain of theblueballs left by other unfulfilling Brit Bands. Inside Out / Outside In is just a fun album. "Can indie be fun?" asks a shaggy 20-something in screen a printed blazer. Yes, and this is it. Songs rip off the Beatles, the Stones, the Kinks, and David Bowie, so far as to apparently name their band ofter a song on Hunky Dory. The album is rife with syncopated acoustic riffs, blatant mispronunciations of the meaningless boy/girl lyrics, dropped beats, and fuzzed out solos. Tracks sound dirty, a little high on treble, and every minute of of the first seven songs are great.

Is it pop? Is it alternative? Is it just another 60's throwback? Sure. Isn't that what indie is?

^So they could put in on the iPod shuffle: all the image, 1/3 the cost!
*Virgin started out as independent label recording Tubular bells and eventually signed the Sex Pistols before Richard Branson sold it to EMI in 1992 to support Virgin Air.

REBUTTAL: No Lunchbox......Hipsters and Hippies do not share the same blood type

2006-07-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

Indie Rock and CrapInYourEar Rock (JamBandAffiliated "Music") ((read: Phish, String Cheese, No Talent Ass Clowns)) are not directly analogous. They are analogous, though. My fist is also analogous to your face. There are ways to connect dots if you really try hard enough. 80s Disco and 90s Grunge are analogous. They have a correlation, but I wouldn't say they were the same fad. Same with the hipsters and the hippies. Hipsters may be the new hippies, but in the way that Toyota is the new Ford.

I do agree with your description of high school kids and the older brother passing down the good musicness. Yes, high school breeds pretentiousness and music-nazism in regards to musical listening. You form a very strong attachment to music, and it is affiliated with who you are, and what group of people you hang out with. Especially if you are a musician. Your blinding attachment to genres may cloud your judgment, just like the colors of a hackey-sack tell you to listen to shit music. We played paintball and listened to deftones.

Here's my statement: A fish parking lot in 1998 did not influence the Pitchfork Music Festival in 2006 anymore than disco in the 80s influenced Grunge in the 90s. If anything, they were a backlash against what people felt was
"Shit In My Ears" music.

You will currently find many burnt out hippies (especially in Portland) wishing they could go to one more Phishfeststock. Alas, the days of the Samples are over. Long live the Fiery Furances and !!!. Radiohead and Beck adapt and change, because they are good enough to, and this is also why they will go down as some of the best musicians of the 20^th century.

And just so you know, I did listen to Yo La Tengo in the 90s, and I didn’t even have an older sibling to tell me to.

Oh, and Fuck Dispatch. Especially that song "The General" - Everytime I hear that song it reminds me of horrible nightmares and sticky beer in basements of fraternities I snuck through a window to get into, because there's no way I'm giving $7 to a kid who's dad is Vice President of Futures Commodities Trading at JP Morgan.

Also, to end on a positive note, and not fill the world with spite............................

While I hate phish and think that Trey is overrated and uses the same chord progression too many times, I will share a story that makes him ok in my book:

He was suspended from college, which is kind of how Phish formed, because he had time to do the band thing. Here's why he was suspended...... Anastasio broke into the science building and stole a human hand and a goat's heart. He sent it to his friend as a prank with a note that said "I've got to hand it to you, you've got heart."

Two from the Seventies

2006-07-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

I am going to follow in the same tradition of my last post - as well as follow our dear Toonces' example - and submit two CD's again. Additionally, I am going to include my own new rating system, that of describing the best time to put on the music. Every other review site has their respective number of stars, number out of ten, whatever system. I will take the judgmental high road and simply tell you when and why you should listen to the music.

DARONDO, "Let My People Go": This is an excellent rare find of classic, cheesy 70's soul. I cannot take credit for the rare dig as it is one of the featured CD's from Ubiquity Records; however, I like my music like the way I like my steaks and my anal sex: rare. Apparently, he was this Bay Area dude who sang cool soul and got chicks before having some drug/money issues and falling into obscurity before reemerging years later when the hip kids need to find something different to listen to and submit it amongst their hipster friends' selections (the old familiar story). Go here http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/video/Darondo%20-%20Penthouse%20Letters.mov to watch a funny video of Darando yelling about something inconsequential.
WHEN TO LISTEN: On the third date with a new boy/girlfriend and it is the first time your love interest is in your car. This will show you to be classy, funny, not taking things too seriously, and straight up craving sex and revolution.

DJ SPINNA, "Funkrock": DJ Spinna is a contemporary DJ known for his dance remixes who compiled this selection of funky rock cuts (guess where the name of the album came from) for this compilation. Although any compilation is actually just a fancy mix tape, Spinna did a great job finding and ordering dirty, meaty, plastic 70's tracks. There is some good stuff on here from Steve Winwood, Sly and the Family Stone, and a great cover of "Aquarius" by The Moog Machine. Personal favorite track is "Anti-Love Song" by Betty Davis; a woman who was dirtier than Lil' Kim and more independent than Biff's future wife. Very scandalous.
WHEN TO LISTEN: Driving back from your new boy/girlfriend's house after your third date and apparently the Darondo softened up the situation and you ended up having some theatrically raunchy intimate time. You are proud of your soiled T-Shirt and are happy that you found someone as deranged as you are. You decide to not tell your friends about the experience and listen to this album while smoking a cigarette.

Album Artwork of our Generation

2006-06-21T23:57:00.000-07:00

Ritter has posited another open ended question regarding our generation:

"We grew up having idolized the album covers of a previous generation. Through Spencer's posters, VH1 re-runs, and even Simpson's throwbacks, much album art of our parents' generation is commonplace and revered for us. Abbey Road, Dark Side of the Moon, Are You Experienced, Sgt. Pepper's, Houses of the Holy, The Rolling Stones lips, Morrison Hotel, and (gasp!) even the Steve Miller Band's Greatest Hits album art have all graced the walls of my adolescent bedroom and are easily recognizable.

That poses the question, what has been some of the most iconic album art of our generation? I don't care if the music associated with the album art is rap or punk or whatever; but what album covers will our children learn to instantly associate with our generation and revere? I don't necessarily need to hear from you Woody, oh my kids will have Radiohead posters all over their walls because I am going to expose them to good music or else I'll smack the shit out of them like a good Jewish father, blah blah.

You know what, let's specify the question to the most enduring album art that originated within the past 10 years (thus excluding Nevermind, The Chronic, Doggystyle, Midnight Maurauders, Get a Grip, White Trash Two Heebs and a Bean, Dookie, Weezer Blue, River of Dreams, Janet, The Bends, Anything from Weird Al, Master of Puppets, or the eternal psuedo-hippie art of When I Woke.

What do you think? Will the artwork of Weathered triumph twenty years from now like Wish You Were Here?"

Now I think Our recently deceased comic actor pal has some interesting suggestions. Of course Weezer, The River of Dreams, Nevermind, Dookie, and The Chronic, but as great as those are, Smash with it's glowing Skeleton is undoubtedly up there. Deftones' adrenaline, Korn's self titled, Pearl Jam's Ten, STP's Purple are equally as iconic. But to really pick one, is tough. At first, I thought Meat Loaf's Bat out of Hell II: Back in to Hell. But maybe that's just me.

I would have to go with Aerosmith's Get a Grip. Sure, this band was actually form our parents' generation, but I guarantee we all ahd this album. Yes, even diverse as the feldheim is, I think everyone owned it. The misaligned and uneven font is how we would deface out text books. And a piercing. If our generation isn'a bout piercings, tell that to this guy. The image was shocking as well as funny. Kind of like us.

whatchu got?

Indie-Rock Hypothesis

2006-06-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

Well, this is my first actual post to the Feldheim (at least not facilitated by Lansbury [which I suppose makes you rather obsolete now, doesn't it bitch?]), so please understand the lack of pictures and superfluous hyperlinks. Anyway, I would like to post a quick theorem regarding the current state of Indie-Rock andRoll and the whole hipster culture in general, and then gauge the Feldheim's reaction. Simply stated:

I believe that Indie-Rock and Roll and its current corresponding 'hipster' culture is an analogous fad to the jam-rock/hippie culture trend of the mid-90's to early 2000's.

Now whereas this may not necessarily seem like a controversial comment, think of it this way- I am trying to say that these guys are just like these guys. Now, whereas this may please some members of the Feldheim (those that had spent their formative high-school years smoking pot, trading tapes, playing hackey-sack, and feeling incredulous that the rest of their generation listened to shitty music) it is sure to inflame the opinions of some members (those that had spent their formative high-school years smoking pot, sweating power chords, dying their hair, and feeling incredulous that the rest of their generation listened to shitty music). Not to mention that I am sure that there are those here in the Feldheim who could absolutely give a shit and are currently wondering to themselves how it is possible that Ritter can afford to take time from his busy work-schedule to write such an inane rant.

"Yeah, but Ritter... that is so stupid, I mean Indie-Rock is alternative and Dispatch was never alternative... They were just, you know, like pussy. LOL! Besides, back in the mid-90's they had Indie-Rock like Pavement and Sonic Youth and Yo La Tengo... that's what Indie-Rock's roots are.. LOL!!! ;-)"

First of all, I find it very hard to believe that any of you in the Feldheim actually listened to Yo La Tengo in the 90's (and probably just downloaded it from Napster after the fact when you got to college and wanted to fill out your musical inventory). And Yes, I am very well aware of the "history" of this made up style of music, what I am trying to say is that if you go to a high-school now (I am an expert at going to high schools now by the way, especially since I've grown my mustache) you find those same pretentious fucks that thought they were too good to listen to Third-Eye Blind on the radio and instead stuck with the drifting, noodling of Moe., Leftover Salmon, and The String Cheese Incident are the same pretentious fucks that now think they are too good to listen to The Killers and instead stick with 'totally innovative' sound of The Fiery Furnaces, M.I.A., and !!!.

Think about it, they were all turned on to this music by their older brothers and walk around with their kind-of-long hair, I-swear-its-actually-vintage-t-shirts, and a smug sense of musical superiority and try to out do one another of how much more obscure they can get into their respective genres. Just as jam-rock went mainstream in the 90's and then fizzled out (frat boys chilling at Dave Matthews and Guster concerts), look what is happening to your idolized "Indie" rock with every high-school cheerleader with a Karen O haircut is singing Postal Service and Deathcab while their meathead, Guido boyfriends are humming White Stripes baselines, while blasting Gnarles Barkely from their parents' Altima, while bringing over the Garden State DVD so they can have awkward, high-school, basement sex (which I am still good at by the way).

"Well yeah but Ritter, what about Beck and Radiohead? They were alternative and not jammy in the 90's and are really what the 90's Indie kids listened to ~snarf snarf~"

What about Beck and Radiohead? Yes, they were two amazing musical acts that completely innovated and changed the 90's, but if you still think that those two acts are "Indie" well then take off your Hyper-Color and join 2006.

Fuck, I forgot what I was talking about. Anyway, my point still stands: In SAT VERBAL Section Terms: The snobbery and image of the Pitchfork Music Festival:2006 as The snobbery and image of the Phish parking lot:1998.

Fire at will.

How Frankenstein Lost Control of His Monster

2006-06-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

Macuau, it's kinda like atlantic city. At night the, the bright lights hide it's, uh, character.

Strangely enough, it seems to have been around for ever and still hasn't found it's identity.

Like the jewish people.

ZING!!!

But all this internationalitynization has got me thinking. Of what the feldheim could be.

Right now it's a sewer, a combination of multiple dumps from multiple places all going in one direction. But it could be so much more.

With a little help from my friends.

First is the organization of the blog. I think Ritter has some fantastic ideas, that have been forwarded on, but I can't quite figure out how to do it.

You are now all administrators of Feldheim. Let's see if we can't make this a little better together.

Of course, after we get this thing good enough to go, we can start talking about new invites. I think we should expand this thing rapidly, but to avoid the inevitable cluster fuck of growing too big for our britches I think we should continue with the soft opening for now.

However, when in advance of the new guests, I would like to nominate the first new member. this young lady would be a wonderful addition to the feldheim. The first three band alone are reason enough. Any one else have nominations? I think we're looking for real winners.

I wanna push you a-round.

Well ah will.

Well ah will.

What rhymes with, 'Our Generation's Defining Album?'

2006-06-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

Interesting topic indeed. I agree, Jafar, Weezer was a great album. Always one of my personal favorites. But I think our generation is still defining itself.

So why not pick a disc that's by a member?

Twentysomething

I have chosen to write my piece in the style of Jurrassic five to show my influcence from black people.

So I must give respect to brit Jamie Culllum,
his tunes are somber, sweet; but never sullen
resurrection of jazz, spectacle of youth,
though he covers dean martin, he ain’t a spoof.
It's a takes a bad motherfucker to do Radiohead,
but jamie tackles the task with a masterly intent.
Take a listen, my friends, you won't regret
this album takes you down like major credit card debt.

Defining Album of Our Generation

2006-06-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

Dave Matthews Band - Under Table and Dreaming.

Released in 1994, I encounter people ages 22-26 on a regular basis who still love the DMB. I didn't like it then, nor do I like it now, but one cannot ignore the culture that grew up around this entity and was so prevalent during our adolescence.

46 words.

What Should Become of The Feldheim
	Kill It...........It Smells Anway
	Kill It.........Before it gives someone some sort of Virus
	Change The Members......Kick off those that Haven't Posted in more than 45 days
	Add new members that would spark our musical minds
	Sell It to Randy
	Turn it into a Porn Site
	Keep it the way it is......It is comforting isn't it
	Add more pictures
	Nothng........absolutely nothing

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Is Pearl Jam A One-Hit Wonder?
	Yes, Angela is correct in her analysis
	No, Angela is incorrect (and she's a slut)
	Eddie Vedder is Short

Free polls from Pollhost.com

IVY LEAGUE MUSIC

Against Me!: New Wave

The Best of the Statler Brothers

Jafar's Monthly Music Video Post

and what's cooler than chicks who rock?

Feldheim Revival X (Angela Vs. Jafar - Battle of the Sexes)

The Sounds: Dying to Say This to You

Feldehim Revival IX

Jafar's Monthly Music Video Post

Nightmare of You.

Jafar's Monthly Music Video Post

Lover, The Lord Has Left Us . . .

Bog Saget Bitch, You Better Aks Someone

DJ Shadow - The Private Press

Jafar's Monthly Video Post

Album Covers Gone Wrong

Feldheim End of the Year Top 10s

Top 10 Albums For Providing White Noise

R.I.P., James Brown (1933-2006)

The Top 10 Albums of 2006 according to one of the Top 10 Jews of all time

Top Tens aside...

Top 10 last songs on albums if that song is an even numbered track of 2006

Top 10 Reasons Why The Feldheim is Superior To Pitchfork

Top Ten Ways to Start an Argument

Top 10 Albums of 2006

Sesame Streets

Top Ten Most Unremarkable Albums of 2006

Joanna Newsom/William Callahan Extravaganza Post

Anticipatory Joanna Newsom/William Callahan Extravaganza Post

Danielson (of the re: Family of)

Jafar's Monthly Video Post

Bachelor Pad: Cheesy or Funky?

This is a journey into sound

The Fall of Troy: F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X.

In Flames: Come Clarity

***** Merry Halloween Feldheimians *****

Whatup Now ITunes???!!! I said.....WHATUP NOW!!!!!!

It's not a Sin

Album Artwork: Not this Again

Say Anything: ...Is a Real Boy

Axelrod

Scarlett Johansson and Bob Dylan awarded Noble Prizes in Mathematics for the following formula: Bob Dylan + Scarlett Johansson + Music Video = : )

Band Name Origins

Herman Dune Is Awesome

Out of Control

Best Music in Movies?

Album Artwork: Shockingly Revisted, Now with Boobies

Battle of the Album Covers

Fire At Will...

White Pony: Disc Two

Gift from a fasting Jew

What's Next

Happy Yom Kippur

Joanna Newsom - YS

We Will Meet Again

Deep Thoughts From One Cool Cat

Welcome Blossom!!!!!!!

Trend Set Match

I Hung Out With Sonic Youth Last Night

It's That Time Again

Beck & Ass Kicking

Bollywood Gangsta Breakdown. Angela Claims to be The White Usher......well here is where Usha got dem moves frum!!!! ALLALALALALALALLALA

Knife......OH YEAH!! Give me MORE KNIFE!!! OK!!! YEAH!!!

Birdman

These folks are much geekier than I

Jafar Feldheim Nomination

Feldheim2.0

First Guest Feldheim Post

A movie -- but there's singing

Banksy and Paris

Take It Back Angela....Take It Back Twice

Feldheim Debate Via Video

I'll Cut You So Bad....You'll Wish.....You'll Wish I Didn't Cut You So Bad

Calling All Feldheimers -- I need your creative input

Holy Mackerel: Skeet Spirit

Grab Bag

Comic relief - in case you feel like raving

A Great Social Experiment: The Enigma that is the Double Disc

New Avatar for Biff

Wu Orleans

* Merry Halloween Feldheimians *