Monday, July 24, 2006

I think this is appropriate for Feldheim

So since the indie debacle will almost surely go unresloved, I've decided it be time for more pirate speak.


Because Pirate speak is a creole, is it not? A creole is a mother toungue formed from the contact of two languages through an earlier pidgin stage. A combination of cultures collided in the caribbean resulting in a unique manner of speaking that made for great homoerotic movie fodder.

But there are other creole languages. africaans, yiddish, Eastern PA Puerto Rican, and cajun!

Even in food, creole cuisines erupted in the 90's under the guise of 'fusion:' Mexican Spring Rolls, chinese chicken salads, wasabi mashed potatoes, and barbecue chicken pizza. I know, I was shocked when I discovered that Ghengis Khan didn't eat salads with chicken and canned mandarin orange slices.

We do know for sure, however, that he liked twinkies.

I am more concerned, of course with Creole music. Not Zydeco (although playing spoons is great), but the new trend that is the combination of two fairly disparate forms of music: The irreverent, the infamous: Mash-up.

I think it all really began with hip-hop sampling. 'California Love' is Joe Cocker's 'Women to Women.' Fatboy Slim's Weapon of choice is Sly and the Family Stone's 'Into My Own.' These are only two examples, but each new song sampled a fairly obscure track. For eaxample, Crazy Town's 'Butterfly' is just a rip off from 16 seconds of the Chili Pepper's 'Pretty Little Diddy.'

But these are all relatively obscure. It's not like any one sampled the intro to Queen's 'Under Pressure,' right?

But i think it all changed in the late 90's. Even though he looks and dances like a he has hydrocephalus, Puff Daddy* managed to make a hit out of a Police song, not just sampling the bass line, or the beat, but the chorus as well. Sting even endorsed the desecration of his biggest hit by appearing with the empresario at 1997 MTV Music Awards.

Fast forward to 2004, when DJ Danger Mouse made waves releasing the Grey Album, an expertly mixed disc combining The Beatles' White album with Jay Z's Black album. Was it good? It didn't really matter because of the ground breaking, law bending nature of the release.

I would go so far as to say that Danger Mouse invented the mash up. He took an old classic, and interwined with a new classic and made something entirely new.

Which is why I would like to direct you, the Feldheim Seven, to Gnotorious Biggie. It's of course Gnarls Barkley^ and Biggie Smalls all mashed up.

It's fairly well done. Somewht like Biff; but he's a well done fairy. But to the matter at hand: Problem is, the tracks seems to be just a Biggie rhymes and Gnarls beats. Does it count as orignal? What's your take? Is this even a legitimate form of music?

Talk, you crazy talkers.


*do you think his friends have started calling him Diddy? how many names can one man have? I expect you all to refer to me as "conquistador angela" from this point forward. Doesn't it just roll off your tongue?

^For the Record, the Kooks covered 'Crazy in March.' This only makes them cooler.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Just incase I don't pass the bar exam on the 3rd try

I'm thinking of marking the begining of my career as a DJ with the purchase of the IDJ2

what do you all think of me going the digital rout? I'm conflicted because while less authentic, despite this summer's job I'm not exactly in the position to invest 2 grand in a mixer and tables, and then go onto get a record collection. Thus it seems like a good place to start.

Friday, July 14, 2006


Is Pearl Jam A One-Hit Wonder?
Yes, Angela is correct in her analysis
No, Angela is incorrect (and she's a slut)
Eddie Vedder is Short
Free polls from


Pearl Jam a one-hit wonder?


"though not conclusive from Ritter's rant, I got the idea that indie, as a rule, generally sucks."

Hmmmmmmmm.......I have a suggestion.........stop sucking Satans cock and come back to earth you corporate whore.

That's right, now you went and pissed me off. We all knew the Feldheim was ugly, so I guess this is inevitable. You, Lunchbox, and your theories. That's right bitches, I'm bringing some Jacksonian Checks and Balances for your Phalanx's.

Pearl Jam a one hit wonder?

Fuck that........I know you dont believe it. Then you point to Trustkill records? Stop smoking shitty weed old lady. Trustkill is an ultimate DIY label, it just makes crappy hardcore emo music, so it doesn't produce "indie music." Sure they had some decent bands, but then they decided to suck satans cock when Sony approached them. That's right, SONY. One reason they are not indie.

But back to this Pearl Jam a one hit wonder shit, and it is shit, which your whole post is full of. Pearl jam is actually the antithesis of a one hit wonder, as they were able to put out four albums that were full of hits. Commercially and in the indie world. Do you own Yield, No Code, Vitology, TEN?????? DO YOU JDUBZ? DO YOU FOR GODS SAKE?

I demand a retraction of this one hit wonder nonsense. And what was that one hit? Jeremy? Alive? Why not give some respect when it's due?

And then you go on to bash Paw Tracks? One of "Indies" most heralded labels? Do you know what Avey went through to get that label where it is? I agree, some of this hipster music is garbage, but man, Animal Collective is one of the greatest bands ever. EVER. I don't care if you disagree, all of you......I'll take you to town with this one.

So don't diss Avey and don't diss Paw Tracks........I'll come to Africa and stick a bamboo stick where the sun don't shine. I'll make the Constant Gardener look like a G movie SON.

Regarding the whole Indie thing.......well, I think there really is no more indie. Indie doesn't exist. Pavement were indie, because the time was right. Animal Collective makes a shitload of money, they are not indie in a classical sense. With the age of Reason, Cubase, MySpace, and Internet, anyone with the talent can write a hit album. Go sign to Paw Tracks and release an album that sells 100,000 copies, you'll make some great cash.

Networks exist that allow "indie" artists to do well financially and not live out of an RV.

Shit, look at the history of Matador records, the "indie" gem.

Look at Drag City.

Indie is the new Corporate, and Corporate is the old satan.

You say ".... that indie, as a rule, generally sucks."

I say that the opposite is true. Corporations, as a rule, generally suck. McDonalds, BP, Procter & Gamble......have they done more good or bad? Think about it.

Indie becomes Corporate, it is the nature of a Market Economy. If you're good enough at something then eventually you will grow. Their are corporate gems that started off Indie, like Whole Foods, that have stuck with their values, but overall, fuck Corporate, I'm all about Indie.

And JDUBZ, are you over Jersey Hardcore yet, or are you still stuck in 8th grade?

That's right, I went there.

Is this a three man blog? Where you homies at?

LONG LIVE JAFAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, July 07, 2006

Ritter demanded that this be posted

I don't know what the significance of this clip is to elitist music discussion, but Ritter knows funny like Lindsay Lohan knows coke.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Is There Any Indie that Doesn't Suck?

I am posting in accordance with this month's theme, to which no one has paid any attention. Indie that Doesn't Suck was meant to bring the Feldheim Seven together as a unified force to spread decent music. So screw you all.

Yet, as I made my choice for the impending Feldheim submission, I was plagued by the unanswered questions raised in a previous rant by the venerable Ritter. Although not conclusive from Ritter's rant, I got the idea that indie, as a rule, generally sucks. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Indie films usually are crap. In fact, indie films blow more than drunken sorority sister trying desperately to be accepted in the Wolfian neo-sexual revolution, but at the time time saving her love-hole for what will ultimately be an unhappy marriage riddled with difficult, awkward, holidays and infrequent, but scheduled copulation on anniversaries.

only missionary.

lights off always.

Taking this analogy one step further would mean that indie films like sodomy.

Which they do.

But I digress.

Independents of all kinds are shitty. Would you buy an independent car? Or what about a cell phone from an independent carrier? T-mobile's bad enough.

What about independent travel agents? Crap: "Oh sure, we got a you a great deal on a flight to Thailand, but you can't earn Frequent Flyer miles. Sorry we didn't tell you that when you booked. Oh, you're premiere executive 50K? Whoop-dee-shit. My name is Natascha. Yeah, that's three consonants in a row. I barely speak english."

Independent book shops and record stores are fun, and make you feel warm inside, like getting a lap dance from a Ukranian girl working to get her citizenship. But at the end of the day, trying to find that Palahniuk novel or Pantera disc at the resepective locales will be more difficult than trying to explain how that 'no touching' rule doesn't apply to you.

Despite the generally crappy indie products, some light shines through. The Offspring's Smash sold 8 million copies, the most units ever by an artist on an idependent label. "But they're not indie, are they?" cry the hipsters. "They're punk. Now they're pop punk. Meeeaaah."

Indie has pervaded pop culture enough to become a style of its own, a new alternative, punk, or pop. Alternative, was so called because the music offered an (insert Ace Ventura dramatic head nod here) Alternative to the radio friendly pop of the early nineties: Everybody dance now! Dunh. Dunh, dunh, dunh dunh....

That and it sounded better than post modernism.

But alternative began to encompass everything from REM to Soundgarden and one-hit wonders like Soul Asylum and Pearl Jam. Yeah, that's right. Pearl Jam; one hit wonder. You gonna cry about it? Alternative became a style, a mode of dress, and Puerto Rican girls in spandex would ask kids if they were alternative, much like jocks asking punks the same question in the 80's movies.

The problem was that punk, alternative, or even postmodern are nebulous, somewhat indefinable terms. Indie, of course has roots in the word independent, but gay has its roots happy.

If a kid with down syndrome recorded himself shrieking after shocking himself by chewing through the wires on plugged in lamps, dubbed over it with the errant clicks and whooshes of a driving range, added haphazard Reason beats, and released it on Paw Tracks idiots wearing tight jeans and chuck taylors from Alphabet City to San Francisco would gladly turn over their parents' hard earned cash for a copy on iTunes^. Cause he's retarded or something. Now that's indie!

Isn't it?

But somehow a hardworking band form new jersey on trustkill is not indie. Why? becasue they have distored guitars? Vocals that are on key? Because a certain 80-year-old woman would (has) buy (bought) their disc? The Offspring proved that a band can be on a independent label and not be indie, but can a band be on EMI and still be indie?

Point is, the Kooks can be indie and still be on Virgin Records*. Being indie is not about street cred, or even atonality, and is as much about independence as homosexualtiy is about happiness. I mean look at Biff? He's fa-lamingly gay and so unhappy he can't even bring himself to post to Feldheim! Sure, to some indie means more about finding a band that no one's ever heard of so you can go to abar with no sign so people you don't know can be impressed.

Indie is a style and I think the Kooks have fucking got it. The music market is inundated with new rock from across the pond, The British invasion part "towe," as I call it. Franz Ferdinand and the Arcitic Monkeys have hit our shores and the public wants more. However, the comparisons between these bands and the kooks ends at their nation of origin. The Monkeys...

Not these Monkees...

Not these monkeys...

Ahh, these Monkeys supposedly didn't know how to play their instruments a year ago. And Franz is well on it's way to being a one hit wonder stateside despite the great ritardondo in Take Me Out.

The Kooks will ease the pain of theblueballs left by other unfulfilling Brit Bands. Inside Out / Outside In is just a fun album. "Can indie be fun?" asks a shaggy 20-something in screen a printed blazer. Yes, and this is it. Songs rip off the Beatles, the Stones, the Kinks, and David Bowie, so far as to apparently name their band ofter a song on Hunky Dory. The album is rife with syncopated acoustic riffs, blatant mispronunciations of the meaningless boy/girl lyrics, dropped beats, and fuzzed out solos. Tracks sound dirty, a little high on treble, and every minute of of the first seven songs are great.

Is it pop? Is it alternative? Is it just another 60's throwback? Sure. Isn't that what indie is?

^So they could put in on the iPod shuffle: all the image, 1/3 the cost!
*Virgin started out as independent label recording Tubular bells and eventually signed the Sex Pistols before Richard Branson sold it to EMI in 1992 to support Virgin Air.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

REBUTTAL: No Lunchbox......Hipsters and Hippies do not share the same blood type

Indie Rock and CrapInYourEar Rock (JamBandAffiliated "Music") ((read: Phish, String Cheese, No Talent Ass Clowns)) are not directly analogous. They are analogous, though. My fist is also analogous to your face. There are ways to connect dots if you really try hard enough. 80s Disco and 90s Grunge are analogous. They have a correlation, but I wouldn't say they were the same fad. Same with the hipsters and the hippies. Hipsters may be the new hippies, but in the way that Toyota is the new Ford.

I do agree with your description of high school kids and the older brother passing down the good musicness. Yes, high school breeds pretentiousness and music-nazism in regards to musical listening. You form a very strong attachment to music, and it is affiliated with who you are, and what group of people you hang out with. Especially if you are a musician. Your blinding attachment to genres may cloud your judgment, just like the colors of a hackey-sack tell you to listen to shit music. We played paintball and listened to deftones.

Here's my statement: A fish parking lot in 1998 did not influence the Pitchfork Music Festival in 2006 anymore than disco in the 80s influenced Grunge in the 90s. If anything, they were a backlash against what people felt was
"Shit In My Ears" music.

You will currently find many burnt out hippies (especially in Portland) wishing they could go to one more Phishfeststock. Alas, the days of the Samples are over. Long live the Fiery Furances and !!!. Radiohead and Beck adapt and change, because they are good enough to, and this is also why they will go down as some of the best musicians of the 20th century.

And just so you know, I did listen to Yo La Tengo in the 90s, and I didn’t even have an older sibling to tell me to.

Oh, and Fuck Dispatch. Especially that song "The General" - Everytime I hear that song it reminds me of horrible nightmares and sticky beer in basements of fraternities I snuck through a window to get into, because there's no way I'm giving $7 to a kid who's dad is Vice President of Futures Commodities Trading at JP Morgan.

Also, to end on a positive note, and not fill the world with spite............................

While I hate phish and think that Trey is overrated and uses the same chord progression too many times, I will share a story that makes him ok in my book:

He was suspended from college, which is kind of how Phish formed, because he had time to do the band thing. Here's why he was suspended...... Anastasio broke into the science building and stole a human hand and a goat's heart. He sent it to his friend as a prank with a note that said "I've got to hand it to you, you've got heart."

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Two from the Seventies

I am going to follow in the same tradition of my last post - as well as follow our dear Toonces' example - and submit two CD's again. Additionally, I am going to include my own new rating system, that of describing the best time to put on the music. Every other review site has their respective number of stars, number out of ten, whatever system. I will take the judgmental high road and simply tell you when and why you should listen to the music.

DARONDO, "Let My People Go": This is an excellent rare find of classic, cheesy 70's soul. I cannot take credit for the rare dig as it is one of the featured CD's from Ubiquity Records; however, I like my music like the way I like my steaks and my anal sex: rare. Apparently, he was this Bay Area dude who sang cool soul and got chicks before having some drug/money issues and falling into obscurity before reemerging years later when the hip kids need to find something different to listen to and submit it amongst their hipster friends' selections (the old familiar story). Go here to watch a funny video of Darando yelling about something inconsequential.
WHEN TO LISTEN: On the third date with a new boy/girlfriend and it is the first time your love interest is in your car. This will show you to be classy, funny, not taking things too seriously, and straight up craving sex and revolution.

DJ SPINNA, "Funkrock": DJ Spinna is a contemporary DJ known for his dance remixes who compiled this selection of funky rock cuts (guess where the name of the album came from) for this compilation. Although any compilation is actually just a fancy mix tape, Spinna did a great job finding and ordering dirty, meaty, plastic 70's tracks. There is some good stuff on here from Steve Winwood, Sly and the Family Stone, and a great cover of "Aquarius" by The Moog Machine. Personal favorite track is "Anti-Love Song" by Betty Davis; a woman who was dirtier than Lil' Kim and more independent than Biff's future wife. Very scandalous.
WHEN TO LISTEN: Driving back from your new boy/girlfriend's house after your third date and apparently the Darondo softened up the situation and you ended up having some theatrically raunchy intimate time. You are proud of your soiled T-Shirt and are happy that you found someone as deranged as you are. You decide to not tell your friends about the experience and listen to this album while smoking a cigarette.